Chapter Six
Present
As I lie in bed I can’t help but feel angry at myself. Tears fall down my cheeks but I’m too tired to wipe them away. I should have stuck by Cheryl and I know that now. But instead I lie here by myself with no one to hold while she lies with HER and is probably having a whale of a time.
I’ve been thinking way to much recently and I know it’s a bad thing. I hate thinking, it’s always too painful. But the last few days all I can think about is telling Cheryl how I really feel, how I felt that night and making her understand that I didn’t really mean what I said and that I want her back.
But then reality kicks in and I realise that even if I did tell her that I love her she has a girlfriend, one that’s not me. I sigh and try to sleep but the niggling thought that I should talk her won’t go away.
Knowing that the band has a day off tomorrow I decide that in the morning I’ll go and see Cheryl just to talk and if it happens that I release that one bit of information then it happens I won’t force myself.
I feel bad for never talking to her sooner, after I left her we didn’t talk for about a week and it was the worst week of my life. We’ve now got to the stage where we can hold a conversation but we have yet to speak about that night, the night that changed everything.
...
It was the morning and I was stood outside Cheryl’s door. I remembered the beginning of the last night of us being together, I was stood in the same position- outside the door. Only this time I was partly dreading seeing Cheryl. I was still in love with her, possibly more than I was before but I the nerves were really not helping me.
I raised my hand and pressed the doorbell and I waited. It only took a minute until heard someone rattle behind the door. As she opened it I could tell she was surprised, I don’t come to her house much anymore especially not uninvited. She stares at me for a moment before speaking.
“Hi, Kimberley,” she says almost breathless.
“Hi there,” I says smiling awkwardly.
“You wanna come in?” she asks nervously.
“Sure that’d be good,” I say as I walk past her into her home.
I look around; it hasn’t changed all that much in 3 months. But the few times I have been round I usually notice something new, this time I spot some beautiful flowers on the table as I enter the living room. From HER probably.
“So I’m surprised to see you,” she says smiling genuinely as we both sit down on her sofa.
Both at far ends of the sofa to make sure we’re not too close of course.
“Yeah well I wanted to see how you are and talk and stuff. We don’t get to do that all that much anymore,” I say feeling me heart beat wildly as I stare at my lap.
“I know we should talk more, I miss you,” she replies and I look up at her.
She looks genuinely sad, maybe more like upset at that comment.
“Me too, I miss you too,” I just about manage to stammer out before looking down at my lap once again.
“So you want a drink or anything?” she asks.
“No, I’m good thanks,” I say shaking my head.
“So how’s Natalie?” I ask not really wanting to know about HER but out of politeness.
“Fine, we don’t need to talk about her,” she says obviously realising it may be a touchy subject.
Silence engulfs us and it’s definitely an awkward one. So many thoughts and feelings rush around my head as I think about Cheryl and sit once again in her home. I feel like I need to do what I came for.
“Cheryl, I have to tell you something, and I should have said it a long time ago,” I say as I sigh.
“Oh..um..okay,” she says looking at me nervously.
“I love you,” I say and wait for a reaction.
TBC...
