Lost

remembering

   Remembering old times was usually hard for me, becuase yes once upon a time things weren't like this.
    We used to be the good little kids playing in the back yard and having slumber parties in our Disney princess sleeping bags.
    Now I take a look around at the same faces, but somehow it's all different.
    I was lucky enough to have two friends stay in my life for whats 10 years now, because without my friends I feel it'd be harder to deal with things.
    But there's often times I look at all of us and just think "wow remember when we were little" or "shit were 15 and look at us" it never changed anything. It never stopped us.
    Now instead of waking up in our princess sleeping bags were waking up on leather couches with hangovers and withdrawal effects.
    Nothing a 7/11 coffee couldn't fix.
By now I go to school everyday wondering when it gets out. Counting down the minutes, and often getting the reminder of how fucked up I am.
   But what can I say I'm enjoying my time the best way I know how. And everyone's opinions don't matter because i still had the friends in my life who did matter.
   To me they will be the kids with no good memories of their teenage years. And one day I'll be all old and wrinkly remembering how each day I lived on the edge, but haven't gone over.
    I just hope the memories don't end up hurting me more than making me happy, but only time will tell.
   Time.
  It's 9:56 AM and I'm in history class.
I have my room temperature coffee, and we're learning about Marie Antoinette.
   But all I'm doing is drinking my coffee, and playing with my pencil.
  The guy next to me keeps looking at me, because he's one of the people who reminds me everyday about how stupid I am. The problem is not that he points out my failures. But he sits next to me in 4 of my classes.
  "You must have had a fun night"
  "Fuck off Derick"
  "Why do you"
   "Shut up" I say before grabbing my bag and putting my things back in it.
   10:03 two minutes til the bell rings and then I'll be off to PE.
   "Cece, I need to talk to you after class" I hear my teacher say. People turn their attention to me, and I look down.  For a spilt second I debate just walking out, but this teacher never did anything bad. He was often the most entertaining.
   "Okay" I mutter and the "class is almost out chatter" begins and soon after the bell rings. I push in my chair and go to his desk.
  "You've been late... Um 3 out of these 5 days. I didn't want to mark you as tardy again although its my job, but Thursday school doesn't sound like fun."
   "I'm sorry Mr. Woods. I walk slow, and often have things to do before I can make it out the door"
   "Look I get having a life other than school. So if I forget this tardy can you at least promise me you'll start taking notes at least?"
   "Yes I can do that thank you"
   "Yeah. You used to be good about being punctual if there's anything I can do to help you out -"
  "No it's fine, I should really get to PE can I have a note. I don't wanna be tardy"
  "Of course"
  "Thanks" he scribbles a note and I take it. I glance down at it seeing that be never wrote a time on it.
  I make it to the hallway, and they are all empty. Everyone's in their classes, my note doesn't have a time on it.
Guess I'll go smoke before my next class.