Lost

they only know what they want to

    Everyone who looks at me thinks about the things they've heard. Either from me saying it or someone else.
   Most of them are true, but only a small portion of the truth.
    They hear about about the person who gets high almost everyday. But they don't stop to think of the reasons why.
   No I don't do it to be cool, if that was the case I would have stopped when people began judging me.
     I don't do it to "experiment" because if that was the case then I would have stopped after the first time.
    I do it so I can feel. Because no matter what ends up leaving me, it won't be the drugs. They'll always be there for me.
   because when everything feels like shit I'll have something to turn to instead of crying in a shower alone
    The funny thing is I don't even like most of the drugs I take, or the effects they have on me.
    I just want to stop feeling whatever is bothering me, and sometimes that means smoking weed out of an apple with someone you barley know, or taking 6 Xanax on a Thursday night because you couldn't wait to not feel again.
     The highs are great. What isn't so great is the usual withdrawal or just the want for something again.
     Which leads me to addiction. People have and still do call me an addict, but that isn't the case.
     The people I see on TV are crazy they'll shake non stop or get really sick and they are always just addicted to one thing.
    I'm only having fun, I'm not really addicted. Ill take anything, anytime. 
   I'm addicted to the feeling if the high but to the drugs no.
   Cigarettes? Maybe. They pretty much are just there to kill time.
    Anyways it's almost Halloween, and this year is gonna be fun