Melia-Irrevocable Journey (Sequel to Irrevocable Quest)

068:

068:

"Please say something, I have a terrible habit of reading words into places they are not meant to be."

"I'm here."

She suddenly felt guilty for having feelings for him... feelings she'd only had once before....

"It's funny." He began lightly now. "I would have thought I couldn't be feeling these things yet. I love Karen so much. I wouldn't have thought it was possible for me to-- you know...."

"Yeah." She breathed.

He laughed softly. "Maybe you do know. Is it Jared you're having trouble with? Or Ryan?"

"I don't know." She cried and then laughed. "Isn't that stupid? I don't know. Both faces are emerging in my head."

"Did you love Ryan?" His voice was still and needy

"I don't know. Maybe. Ryan was maybe my first love..."

"First love can be hard to get over."

"I agree. Very hard. I don't know if it was love. My thoughts about him are so clouded now by the person he has become, and the things he has done to me."

Robert did know the things Ryan had done to her. Recently Ryan had bragged about the way he had gotten revenge on Melia, but the malicious effort he'd put in to belittle her, put her down, share all her faults, turn him off her. Ryan didn't know that Melia had already become someone in Robert's heart.

"I don't know if I'm ready or even emotionally available to start another relationship, although..." She kept pushing ahead, afraid to let him go without knowing these things.

"It's okay, sweetheart. I'm not ready yet either and we still have lots of time to... to explore our...."

"I do care about you." She blurted, not wanting to simply end the conversation.

"Oh, I know you do. I'm not immune to your interest. I've felt it, Mia. It's okay. You're like an open book in that regard."

"What?" She stammered, feeling annoyed.

"No, don't get me wrong. You are very careful in your feelings, very careful, no one else would know. It's just that... I am looking for it. I want to see it. So, I'm looking, and I can see the little nuances. I respond to the little nuances."

"What little nuances? What do you mean?"

His laugh was actually comforting; it meant he wasn't judging her. "I've seen the way you look at Ryan. Kind of like you're confused by him, and kind of like you're vexed by him. It's not the look you would give to someone you want to be with. You have a very sad quality to your gaze these days, Mia." He breathed gently. "But I've also looked directly into your eyes and seen a lot of compassion, and caring directed at me. That's very comforting. I've seen that same piercing look change from compassion to.... Considering.... "

"Well, then I should be honest with you." She managed to get out. "I had to go away with Jared and I fell deeply in love with him... while I was still committed to Ryan." She sighed in frustration. "I didn't plan it that way! It's not how I view myself. I am not a two timer! I would not have done this...." She tried to think of other words to justify how she felt and couldn't. Nor could she sugar coat what she'd done. "I want to like you... like that. Robert... I can feel it too, between us... it's like... right there under the surface. But I know it would be wrong while I'm still committed to Ryan, even though we're not technically together, we are. Does that make any sense?"