Shit.. that was the only word to sum up everything that I was regretting as I was sitting outside of her room. Close to an hour ago she woke up and hasn’t went back to sleep. To a point it is driving me crazy not see or checking in on her. I don’t wanna make her mad or angry.
General Harper opened the door, closed it and then reopened it and said something to her. Then closed the door for the final time.
He looked down at me and took in a deep breath. I could tell by the look on his face that he wanted me to go to my room, get some sleep and get clean and then come back. However I can’t do that. I wanna be with her when she is asleep since that is the only time she will let me.
Even though General knew that since the bullet got her when we were out in Egypt there was no way for me to leave.. Not sure why she thought I couldn’t handle that bullet but something inside of her made her jump in front of it just for me. We just about lost her to that one moment. Thankfully Justin the medicine guy was with us.
I’ll admit it, that day made my whole life flip over. My feelings were all over the place, worried, sad, depressed, angry. Then I found out she was going to make it and a small part of happiness took over me.
Still to this day, I remember when she couldn’t sleep the following week. She would get dressed into her normal clothes and walked all the way over to the oak tree. It wasn’t that bad of a walk but my dorm is closer to it than hers. That same night I couldn’t sleep. All I remembered from the battle was her getting wounded.
When I saw her a part of me just bursted with energy. I felt like I could run a mile non stop and still wanna continue. I tried to be quiet along with make some noise that way she didn’t shoot me.
Once she saw me, she stood. Of course I told her not to but she didn’t listen. For a little bit we talked, mostly about how she was feeling. Then it got quiet, she turned and said she was going back to bed.
Something inside me made her stop dead in her tracks. I pulled her close to my chest and was lost in those eyes. I couldn’t stop saying in my head, I love her. Slowly I kissed her cheek. Pulling away, I saw the same desire I had in her eyes. Thats when I lost all of my will power and kissed her.
She didn’t pull away instead she moved closer and closer. My grip on her tighten and she gasped a little bit. Finally I realized I might be hurting her so I pulled away. The look on her face just about broke me. It was confused and a little sad.
Even though every part of my male mind told me to take her back to my room, I knew she needed to heal and doing what I wanted to do wouldn’t help her. So I said we have to stop. Every since then she doesn’t talk to me. She was mad at me for the fact I wouldn’t do what any other man would. But I wasn’t thinking about myself. I was worried about her.
Ever since then I haven’t been the same around her. Mainly because I really worried she will find out that I’m madly in love with her. As it stands right now, she won’t feel the same way about me. She most likely hates my guts.
I knew that she needed time away from me for a good while. Maybe that is what I should do? Give her as much time as she wants. Not really talk to her or see her until she wants to see me.
However knowing how I feel about her I’d be lucky to get away from her for two minutes. That is the main problem now. I don’t have the slightest thing to do with her being the topic.
Knowing it would be a battle I knew I had to give her space. Standing up, the General looked at me confused. I didn’t tell him what I was doing or anything, just got up and walked out of the clinic.
