It has been close to two weeks since the last time I saw Jonathan. Each day is getting harder and harder to get through. So badly do I wish that he would just come see me and let me explain what I thought happen. The way its going right now I knew that the chance of him coming was very slim.
I had physical therapy today, again. I’ll admit it, I hate it with a passion. Of course it was going to be Matthew, the doctor, that will be helping me become flexible again. But that really didn’t bother me. To a point I wished that it Jonathan went into medical instead of being a sniper. That way I could see him more often.
A big part of me really wished he would just come find me and talk to me. Even if I really mad at myself for the fact I haven't been able to say I'm sorry and I know that when the time comes I might not be able to.
"Okay, Gracie can you touch your toes?" Matthew asked me.
Slowly I bend over trying to act like I didn't feel anything. My finger tips were barely there when a pair of hands went to my hips and helped me bend a little more. The tips of my fingers touched my toes and I smiled. One more step on the road to recovery. Coming back up was easy with the help of whoever was behind me.
Turning around I realize that it's Kyle. Kyle has always had a thing for me but I don't see him in that way. Yeah he is cute and really ripped but nothing like the way I see Jonathan. Kyle's hair was a beach blonde and his eyes were a brown color. Most of girls on base go for him but I dont. He just isn't my type, he isn't Jonathan.
"Hello. How are you doing today, Gracie?" I could tell that he was trying to impress me with his soft silky voice, but it wasn't going to work.
"Hi, Kyle. I'm fine. Thanks for helping me touch my toes." I said as I realize that his hands haven't left my hips.
"So I was thinking that you are beautiful, smart and sexy. You should let me take you out to dinner. Whatcha say?"
On the surface I had a smile on my face, but under that I wanted to punch him straight in the nose. How dare he ask me that! I don't like him, never will, never have. Why can't he just see that? I mean seriously.
I was staring past him when I saw Jonathan walk into the training room. He was dressed in black shorts and a white tank. His muscles were softly showing from the shirt. That's something I love about him. He isn't trying to show off to anyone, mainly because he doesn't have too.
Of course my eyes shouldn't be completely on him but I haven't seen him in forever. This was a treat for me. Well, right now it is. The moment he turns and sees me with idiot here, he will walk out and be seriously pissed.
As the thought crossed my mind, Jonathan's eyes met mine. We speaked volumes with just our eyes. His was worried and concered about me being up already. He was staring at me taking his time looking me over. Until his eyes hit where Kyle's hands were laying on my hips. Quickly his face hardned and turning around heading back out the doors.
"Kyle, no. I'm sorry but I got to go." I said as I steadily jogged towards and out the door.
Jonathan was in front of me but at a good distance. What could I do? I could yell and make a scene, but then people would stop and stare. Maybe call his cell phone and tell him to slow down. No he will say nope if you can't keep up then there is nothing to talk about.
So I continued to jog. I turned the cornere when I saw Jonathan standing down by the shore. He was pacing in the sand with his hands running through his hair as if he was really pissed. I knew he was but I don't see how this could make him so mad. Just because I really love him doesn't mean he feels the same way does it?
Quiet as I can be I went down the hill. The moment I hit the sand it was in my shoes. That was the only thing I hated about the shore lines. Closer I got I realized that he was cursing under his breath along with talking to himself. About five feet away from him I thought I should start talking.
"Jonathan?" I asked.
He turned around, his eyes were softly watered as if he was crying. Rarely do you see his hair in a mess but it surely was in one now. The face that normally is just tan and had a little red color to it was completely red. To me it seemed like he just lost something he was trying so hard to hold onto.
"Leave." were his only words.
There was something about the way he said it that made me turn and begin to walk away. Until I realized that I had something to say to him and now was the time.
"No, Jonathan I'm not leaving." I said as I turned around and began to walk towards him. "I'm not leaving until we talk."
"Gracelyn, leave now!" his voice was raised as if he was hoping to scare me off.
"No! Jonathan I'm tried of leaving when it is best for everyone else. I'm staying here until we talk." I stand actually where I was.
He took in a deep breath and sighed as if he was annoyed with me being there. Well even if he was I wasn't going anywhere with us talking. Whether if took all night and all tomorrow.
"Fine. Talk."
"Why are you so upset?"
He laughed like it was joke. This isn't a joke. I want to know what's wrong and if it has to do anything with me. Though I already know it does.
"None of your business."
"It is my business if it's about me. Is it?" I will give him a minute to answer, I thought to myself. No answer.. "Jonathan answer me! I'm tired of you acting all big and bad when you are truly upset. Just tell me!"
"Fine! Yes it's you Gracelyn. It's you that pisses me off, upset me, and this make me love you. Is that what you wanna hear, huh? That I'm so torn between what I feel and yet what I continue to see. You hate my guts because you think I wasn't there to save you! I was there, I ran the fucking show. But no you think I was back here fucking a girl that isn't you. There you go. Are you happy?"
There were no more tears in his eyes, they were gone. They were no replaced with anger. He was pissed because he finally let out his anger.
This thoughts were just minor ones that seemed to sneak into my mind before the big ones could. Then it all hit me.. Did he say it was me that makes him feel like this but yet he still loves me? When did he start loving me? And why didn't he have the guts to tell me..
