Survival Week

The Horrors of Dodgeball

ELAINA: Just as I suspected. Lindsay's not here.

JENNA: You suspected that?

ELAINA: Not really. But I sound smarter if I say I did.

NAOMI: I've starving.

ELAINA: Naomi. We're at war here. We don't eat when we're at war.

JENNA: Elaina? Are you hearing yourself talk right now?

ELAINA: You're right. What am I saying? Let's go see if that frozen pizza thawed out yet.

JENNA: It looks good enough.

ELAINA: All right. Let's eat and discuss our defense plan.

NAOMI: (covering ears) Ugh, I really hate that stupid alarm! Why can't they just make an announcement without it?

PRINCIPAL HARRIS: Attention students! Attention students! Breakfast time is now over. Please report to the main field for morning activity.

NAOMI: If it's Capture the Flag again, I volunteer Elaina as flag guard.

ELAINA: Hey!

JENNA: Relax, Elaina. I doubt we'll play Capture the Flag two days in a row. Let's head over the main field and see what's going on.

Ten minutes later...

NAOMI: Well. This isn't Capture the Flag.

JENNA: No, no it's very different.

NAOMI: Worse, even.

JENNA: It was nice knowing you guys.

ELAINA: Dodgeball? The most evilest game in the world?

NAOMI: Evilest isn't a word.

ELAINA: Yes it is.

NAOMI: Still, you used the wrong word form.

JENNA: Why are we talking about grammar rules when we are all about to die?

NAOMI: We aren't going to die.

JENNA: You never know. There have been incidents in the past. Remember in fourth grade when that dodgeball hit Millie Miller right in the face? She was never quite the same.

NAOMI: Okay, now you're scaring me.

JENNA: You should be scared.

ELAINA: Guys, listen up. Principal Harris is going to pick the team captains.

PRINCIPAL HARRIS: Okay! Quiet down everyone. Quiet down! If you haven't figured it out by now, we are going to play dodgeball! You know the rules, any shots above the shoulders do not count.

ELAINA: (whispers) Didn't it used to be any shots above the waist?

PRINCIPAL HARRIS: And now to pick the team captains! The captain of the red team is... Millie Miller!

JENNA: Well that's ironic.

PRINCIPAL HARRIS: And the captain of the blue team is... Adam Grey!

NAOMI: (smirking) Well that's ironic.

JENNA: Bite me.

PRINIPAL HARRIS: Alright captains! Choose your squads and prepare for battle!

NAOMI: And... now our principal is talking like Elaina.

ELAINA: So this is the low point in my life.

Fifteen minutes later...

NAOMI: This isn't fair. Jenna's on the other team.

ELAINA: Well, she did date Adam at one point...

NAOMI: True.

ELAINA: Sadly Lindsay, Carly, and Sue are on Adam's team too. And they are probably going to target us.

NAOMI: That's nice.

COACH WINTERS: Okay. On my whistle. Three... two... one... TWEET!

NAOMI: What do we do? What do we do?

ELAINA: Hide behind somebody tall and hope they won't move around too much.

NAOMI: Got it.

ELAINA: Look! Jenna has a ball!

NAOMI: And now Carly pushed her over...

ELAINA: And Sue took the ball from her...

NAOMI: And now Sue is...

ELAINA: Watch out!

SUE throws ball toward ELAINA and NAOMI. NAOMI and ELAINA jump out of the way just in time.

ELAINA: Oh no! I got dirt all over my camo pants!

NAOMI: Forget the pants, Lindsay has a ball!

Again, NAOMI and ELAINA dodge the ball.

NAOMI: That was a close one.

ELAINA: Let's move to the back. I see somebody tall that we can hide behind.

NAOMI: Who even invented dodgeball?

ELAINA: I don't know. Probably somebody with mental problems. Honestly, who in their right mind would think that a game that involves people throwing balls twenty miles per hour at other people is a good idea?

NAOMI: I know right?

ELAINA: Naomi, look out!

CARLY throws a dodge ball toward ELAINA and NAOMI. ELAINA moves out of the way, but NAOMI gets hit in the shoulder.

COACH WINTERS: TWEET! You're out! Move to the other side!

ELAINA: Naomi! Noooooo!

NAOMI: Stay strong, Elaina. At least you're still in the game!

Just as NAOMI says that, LINDSAY throws a dodge ball that hits ELAINA's left leg.

ELAINA: Not anymore.

NAOMI: Great. Well, at least we're already dead so no one will be targeting us anymore.

SUE throws a ball that hits NAOMI in the face.

NAOMI: I need to stop jinxing myself.

ELAINA: Or carry a block of wood around everywhere you go.

Three hours later...

JENNA: How is it even legal to hit someone on your own team? Five times!!!

NAOMI: Dodgeball is over. Let's not talk about it anymore.

ELAINA: I think my leg is going to be bruised tomorrow.

JENNA: I'm really wishing we opted for that paper.

ELAINA: Ten pages seems like nothing now.

NAOMI: It's okay guys. It's already eleven o'clock on the second day. Just three and a half more to go!

ELAINA: You're not helping.

JENNA: What we need to be doing is planning revenge on Lindsay Valentine. She's already up two points and we're at zero.

NAOMI: Is violence really the answer?

JENNA: Yes, Naomi. We took a vote, remember?

NAOMI: I hate democracy.