One Last Whisper

Chapter 12 Pt. 2

My room is now the confined space of my life. I've started to notice things about it that I've never noticed before. Like the crack in the right hand corner of my ceiling that matches the tear in my heart perfectly.

I'm not OK and I'm thoroughly convinced that I'll never be. My mom and the girls have sort of given up on me, but not Spencer. He visits everyday, but I never see him. He sits in the chair that my mom put right outside of my room for him, and just talks to me. He tells me about his day, tells me stories about us, and occasionally asks me questions. But he's literally talking to the wall because I never respond back. It breaks my heart to not be OK for him because he deserves all the love that is buried under my pain. I'm so lost and even if there was any possibility of me recovering, I wouldn't know where to start. 

 There's a light knock at my door that I've become accustomed to and I lay flat on my back bracing myself for his voice.

"Hey Isa it's me Spencer." Spencer says as if he's on a phone recording. 

"I saw Asia and Robin today. They told me to tell you that they miss you." I know they'd really like it if you picked up your phone." Spencer says making the guilt in my belly even heavier

"Isa I just-- " his voice catches in his throat and I sit up in my bed surprised.

When he starts again I notice that his voice is trembling but stronger than I've ever heard it.

"i'm sorry I couldn't protect you from all of this. I'm not sure how I let down the most important person in my life. I keep replaying that moment when I held you in that car over and over again in my mind. You were so sad and broken that I wanted, and still want, to kill the bastard that did this to you. It's funny how you don't realize how much you love a person until something bad happens. But i'd be lying if I said that was the moment i first realized I was in love with you Isabel. Isabel I've--"  

I don't realize that I'm standing up against the door with my right palm pressed firmly against the frame, until he stops talking. His words were like a rope, slowly pulling my closer. I wait patiently for him to start up again but a whole minute passes by before the silence becomes unbearable.  I have to know what he was going to say. 

Before I lose my nerve I wrench open the door. Spencer head shoots up in my direction faster than a bullet. He has dark circles under his eyes that almost match mine. I guess he hasn't been sleeping either. He wears his uniform of a black T-shirt and simple dark jeans that do strange things to my heart. His piercing green eyes are wide and hold as much shock as someone seeing a ghost would have.

I run my hands through my surely hideous and greasy hair even though I don't care what I look like at the moment. I just want to know what he was going to say.

"You've what?", I say calmly and strongly, surprising Spencer and myself.

He fidgets with his hands and breaks eye contact with me. His cheeks turn a light shade of pink, bringing his nervousness to my attention. 

"I thought you were asleep.", he says still not looking at me. 

"I wasn't. You were talking and you stopped. Tell me what you were going to say. You've what?" I  step into his personal space forcing home to look at me. 

The moment he looks into my eyes he gets a bout of confidence that gives me a whiplash. He stands up straight and steps even closer to me leaving no space between us. 

"I've been in love with you since the first time I saw you. You were reading my favorite comic book and had this spark in your eye that seemed so familiar yet foreign at the same time. I thought you were an angel because it seemed as if only I could see you. I couldn't understand why anyone would be in the same room as you and not want to look at you. I thought that must have been blind because you were so amazingly beautiful that I was sure my eyes fell right out of my face. My promise to watch out for you was just my excuse to be able to look at you without scaring you away and I haven't taken my eyes off you since " Spencer's heart is beating fast and his face is flushed as he stops and waits for my reaction.

I stand there shocked. Not only because I never knew this, but because I know it's true. When you can find nothing but truth in someone's words what do you do?

My body responds before my brain and I jump onto him, wrap my arms his neck, and kiss him with all the love and strength my soul can muster. It's a moment before Spencer can grasp what is happening, and when he does he returns the kiss with just as much, and maybe even more, passion as I. We kiss and tell each other everything without using actual words. I feel tears on my cheeks and can't tell if they're mines or his. We kiss for what may only be a few minutes but feels like hours. When Spencer abruptly breaks away from the kiss I whimper in protest.

"Isa what was that. Not that I'm complaining or anything but...WOW. Oh baby thanks for coming back to me.", Spencer says holding my face in his hands and planting kisses on both my wet eyelids. I reach up and wipe the tears off of his face and smile.

"Thank you for always staying with me. I'm so scared Spencer." I admit. 

"You don't have to be Isa. I'm right here, I've always been right here." he says pulling me into a bear hug. 

                                                                       ***

He's touching her. She is mines and he's touching her. He's rubbing the silky hair that I once held between my fingers as I caressed her head gently. The girl that I love is once again in his arms. I despise him with every inch of my existence. Every time I try here he comes in his impenetrable, shiny, and white armor and whisks her away. That kiss should be mine. Her heart should be mine. i took her virtue in hopes of the rest following. Not so. But soon she'll see.

I'll show her she belongs with me and not him. He doesn't love her the way I do. He doesn't know her like me. We belong together. Once she sees that I can be just as good as him she'll get over her silly infatuation with him. She can't get over her first. She'll see...