One Last Whisper

Chapter Eleven

 My life seems to be taking a confusing turn.  Things with Spencer have gotten better but have also become really crazy and just a little weird.  After he asked me to be his girlfriend while we were leaning tantalizingly close in my truck, I had been tempted to accept his offer, before the not so rational part of my brain kicked in and I started rambling and stumbling over my words. Thankfully Spencer saved me from myself and told me I could take all the time I needed to think it over in that overly polite way of his. However, I caught a glimpse of disappointment as he slid into the driver seat of my Range Rover.

It has been two weeks since then and although we've found ourselves in such a bizzare situation, we have sort of gotten back into our old routine. There is an occasional awkward moment where I catch him staring at me with an unreadable emotion written on his face. Or when he holds my hand in both of his and rubs little circles on my palm with his thumbs, as we watch TV. It makes me nervous and I don't know what to do about it so I just sit there slowly going insane with a ton of emotions stirring in my belly. Don't get me wrong all these things are not unwanted, just scary. But not because I don't like it, but because I do. Spencer is the only person that can touch me and not drive me crazy with panic and that is the most confusing thing ever. 

  It's the middle of the afternoon and I am in my room on my bed staring up at the ceiling waiting for Spencer to return with the pizza he promised me after I beat him three times at UNO. This had become routine for us; sitting in my house either in my room or downstairs in the family room, doing anything to pass the time. We haven't spoken about that day at the theatre.  I kind of wanted to forget it had even happened. I wasn't so sure about Spencer. Today he looked as if something was burning on his mind. More times than often I'd seen him sporting a look of indecisive ponder, shake his head slightly, and then come back to reality.  I ignored it the first time, but the second time I shot him a questioning look that he either didn't see or chose to ignore it. 

I hear a light rap at my bedroom door and Spencer pokes his head through giving me a small smile. He opens the door and in his hand is a pizza and a diet coke and a regular coke balancing on top. I sit up, my hair falling around my shoulders in a snarled and tangled mess, and I take a moment to admire him for what feels like the millionth time as he removes his sneakers trying not to fall over and drop the pizza. He is wearing a pair of dark wash jeans and a long sleeved white t shirt, and might I say, he looks good. When he accomplishes a very impressive shoe removal while succeeding in not dropping the pizza or cokes, he shoots me my personal smile that I have come to adore. I'm glad we have this back; this time that belongs only to us in a world only we know how to navigate around. "Okay so I got half and half. Pepperoni with light cheese for you and a supreme meat lover for me.", Spencer says flopping down on the bed, giddy with excitement, a boyish smile on his face, and a pizza box in his hand. He sits cross legged on the bed, facing me, with the pizza box between us that he has already begun to dig into. I grab a slice and nibble on it while ogling Spencer. Spencer catches me staring and grins.

“What?” he asks with his mouth full, causing me to giggle and hand him a napkin.

“You’ve been smiling since I came over this morning. What’s up?” Spencer asks wiping the remaining crumbs, that his tongue failed to get, off his face with the napkin.

“Nothing, you’re just a funny person.” I lie avoiding his eyes, embarrassed to be caught staring.

He smirks at me not believing my lie. “Come on Isa, what is it?”

I shake my head hoping he’ll just drop it.

“You are lying. You never look me in the eye when you’re lying.” He says, laughing a little in the process.

“It’s nothing. Let’s play some more UNO.” I say trying to direct his attention elsewhere.

“Not till you tell me what is up with you. Now you could just tell me and save yourself the trouble or I could tickle it out of you.”

I deadpan at this. I take a gulp as he removes the pizza box to my desk where the cokes are. Out of everything I hate, I hate being tickled the most, and Spencer knows it. Spencer starts slowly crawling towards me.

“Spencer no.” I say firmly hoping he’ll take this as his cue to stop. But with no avail, he continues to crawl towards me.

Seconds later my back is against my head rest. I am cornered with nowhere to go. Next thing I know I am being tickled, gasping for air and laughing uncontrollably. Spencer starts to climb on top of me pinning my legs down, and then the panic starts to kick in. Flashes of that night pick their way into my thoughts and I start thrashing around wildly, while Spencer sits on me, oblivious to my panicking.

“Spencer stop, please!” I scream as my eyes start to prick with the anticipation of tears. Finally he stops and looks at me in confusion as he climbs off of me. I roll over and put my face in my pillow and cry. At frist Spencer sits stock still and then realization kicks in and he curls around me and rubs my hair, which makes me cry even harder.

I can never escape that day. I just want it to disappear into the past and stay out of my present. But it always comes back to bite me in the ass.

  Spencer coos and hugs me tight as I let my final wave of tears out. We lay there in silence as I finally calm down.

“Isa Look at me, please.” Spencer says sadly and softly.

For once I do as he says and turn to face him, my face tear stained, eyes puffy, and nose red, I’m sure. He is only a few inches from me and he looks so defeated my heart skips a few beats.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m so stupid. I shouldn’t have been so aggressive I—I’m just sorry” he says.

It is so weird to see him on the on my side of things, rambling nervously and unconfident. I don’t like it one bit. I’m so used to seeing him so in control and confident, always so sure f himself and his actions that I fell almost sick seeing him this way. It’s like seeing your favorite super hero purposely lose a battle with an evil villain. He is my rock and if he isn’t strong then who will I have to lean on?

“Spence its ok, you couldn’t have known.” Even though my words were meant to reassure him he continued to sit there sad and defeated. So I take a deep breath and place my hands on either side of his face. He turns his wonderful green eyes to my hazel ones. They contain confusion and surprise, which is what I was hoping for. Before I can chicken out I pull my lips up to meet his, and I kiss him. I kiss him slowly and softly at first testing the waters. When my flashbacks stay at bay,  I start to really kiss him. I kiss him for all the times I have ever wanted to, for all the times he has ever saved me from danger, for all those nights he stayed by my side when he could have left me there alone for his much cooler friends, and for all the times he was just my friend. I kiss him passionately for all that he has done for me and he doesn’t hold back. His hands are in my hair and, pulling me closer to him and he is laying all his feelings out there for me to feel through his touch. I don’t know what I’m doing but it doesn’t matter. I just think with my heart for once instead of my brain. My hands tangle in his hair and he grabs my waist and just continues to kissing every inch of my face.

For once my flashbacks don’t invade on my thoughts and I feel as if I could touch the heavens. Maybe things were finally starting to look up. When things start to get a little too heavy I pull back and lean my forehead against his and try and catch my breath. Spencer’s broad chest is moving quickly, and I smile, knowing I have the same effect on him that he does on me.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.” Spencer says breaking the silence that had followed our passionate kiss.

I blush and look up at him. “Me too.” I say looking him straight in the eyes.

“Isabel, I love you.” He says seriously and I smile and give him what he has waited so patiently for. “I love you too.” He smiles and pulls me in close for a hug. I lean u close to his ear and take an even further leap. “The answer is yes.”