One Last Whisper

Chapter Seven

It has been three weeks since I've spoken to Spencer, Asia, or Robin. I know that all of them have sent me texts, emails, and voice mails, but I refuse to respond. Before my accident I wasn't the happiest kid in the world, but I managed. Now it just seems like happiness is a foreign emotion. It is now summer break and I'm home alone on a Friday night. All my teachers allowed me to do my finals after school, due to my "illness". Under my circumstances, I think I did pretty well. I made a pledge to myself to focus on school work and not let what happened to me deter my plans for the future. I don't care if anyone thinks I'm all work and no play. I tried to have fun and be a normal teenager and look where it got me. Now as I lie there and sulk in my despair up on my bed I think about Spencer. I miss him so much, but I can't seem to forgive him for what he did, or rather, what he failed to do. He promised to protect me from harm, and he basically threw me into harms way. I know my pent up anger towards him is childish, but I'm so stubborn and angry I can't see past the hazy red sheen that cloaks my eyes from the beautiful human being Spencer is. I hear my phone ring and, I pick it up and see that Spencer's name is on the caller ID. Speak of the Devil, or rather my unforgiven guardian angel. He's probably really worried about me. He has called everyday, multiple times a day, since I last saw him at the hospital. Every time he has come to my house to see if I was OK I've told my Mother, or our maid Ana, to tell him I wasn't feeling up to having company. I know I'm being selfish, considering this has hurt him just as much as it has me, so with shaky fingers I press the answer button and whisper a breathy hello into the phone. "Isa, is that you?" he asks and I melt at the sound of his voice. Oh how I missed the the sound of deep timbre his voice holds. "Hey." I say shakily. "Isabel, thank God your OK. I've been trying to call you. Why are you ignoring me?" he says, sounding hurt. "I'm sorry, I just haven't been up to seeing anyone lately." I say truthfully. I don't want anyone to see the hollow shell of a person I've become." Can I come over?" he asks expectantly. I would love to see him, and I can't really blame him for something he had no control over. "Sure, I could use some company right about now" I say admittedly. "OK I'm on my way" he replies happily. We hang up and I take a look at myself in the mirror. I have dark rings under my eyes, my hair was a tangled mess, and there was a mysterious stain on my pajama shirt. Yeah I needed to pull myself together. So I unwillingly took a quick shower, washed my hair, and slipped on some black skinny jeans and a navy blue off the shoulder jumper. Before I could begin to blow dry my hair the doorbell chimed. I wrapped a towel around my shoulders to catch the defiant dropkets of water from my hair, and bolted down the stairs. Before turning the knob I took a deep breath. Opening the door revealing a present that keeps coming back I take in the Greek God standing before me. There, Spencer stood, wearing a black tight fitted t-shirt that showed off his muscular form, and some dark washed jeans. His wet hair was glistening in the late evening sun. Gosh he belonged in a movie or on a magazine cover. Stepping aside, I let him in and watched as he stroll in, and heads straight for the marble counter in the kitchen. We spend, or we use to, so much time in this house together, every nook and cranny is engraved on our memories. I follow him into the kitchen and grab us both some drinks from the fridge. As I go to the marble kitchen island where Spencer sits upon,. I go over memories of us together trying to get some recollection of whether there was always something there. I know I've always loved Spencer, but could he feel the same? Do I even want to know? I love this perfect boy more than I love myself sometimes, but can I love him fully with this aching hole in my heart where part of me was stolen? Hell I couldn't even allow myself to let my fingers brush with the cashier at the market when I went shopping. Every male seemed like he could be the one that ruined my life. You could say Drake and his trust issues didn't have shit on me. My father left me and now some stranger took half of me along with my sanity. It seemed like the entire male species had some unknown and brutal hit out on me. Well they suceeded in killing half of my soul. Now I don't know if I can let the boy that I've always wanted, to play Russian Roulette with the other part of my shattered soul.I draw my attention back to Spencer who is staring at me intently, his gaze unwavering, as he searches my face for answers to questions unasked. "Isabel, I've missed you a lot" he says finally breaking his gaze. He stares at the floor as I blush. " I missed you too." My breathy whisper letting on to how true and genuine the words are. As I stare at the ground I see Spencer move out of my peripheral. When I look up I find him mere inches from me. He goes to brush away a stray piece of damp hair that dared to brush the tip of my eyelash, and I flinch away involuntarily. The only person that has touched me of the opposite sex after my accident is Spencer, but over the course of these three weeks, I've developed a strong dislike to anyone touching me. I can see the hurt in displayed on his features caused by my actions and I regret them immediately. He drops his hands back to his sides and then gazes at me longingly. This is somehow more intimate than if he had touched me. "Isabel, these three weeks have been hell." he starts. I look up and pay attention closely to his words. "Imagine someone ripping your heart out, taking a big chunk of it, and thrusting it back into ypur chest cavity. That's how it feels when I'm away from you for too long. You're a part of me Isabel, a huge part in fact. What happened to you, it killed part of my heart, and some of yours if not all of it. I want to kill the bastard who fucking...broke you. But what I'm trying to say is that maybe, just maybe, I have enough heart left for both of us. Since the day I first met you, you have been the center of my world. When I'm not with you I want to be. When I'm not around you, as corny as it sounds, I feel whole. I guess what I'm trying to say is Isabel...I love you. I've always loved you, but I didn't want to ruin us. I was scared that you didn't feel the same. But now I don't care, because even if you don't love me back I'll always love you." With that he stops talking and just stares at me waiting for my reply. My heart constricts painfully. What I'm about to do seems like the only route to save us both, selfish but effective."I think you should leave." I say through gritted teeth. A swarm of emotions passes over his beautiful face before it is replaced with just plain hurt and pain. "Isa-" he says but I dismiss his wirds, before I can deter my plans with the urge to wrap him in my arms and kiss him senseless. I'm doing this for both of us. "Please just go, I need time to think." I say looking anywhere but at him. Without another word, but just a glimpse, he turns and heads to the door. I'm hurt that he doesn't try harder but I know he such a gentleman that he doesn't want to push me too hard too fast. When I hear the soft click of the door, my control breaks and I sink to the cool marble floor, somehow covering my heart in even more ice. The dam that held my tears at bay in Spencer's presence , breaks. Here I thought I had shed more than enough tears for two lifetimes. I grieve over the loss of the boy I will never stop loving, and the rest of my broken and shattered soul.