One Last Whisper

Chapter Nine

Mom is forcing me to get out the house. When she arrived from her book signing in Florida, she found me soaking up the darkness in my room with Twinkie wrappers all over the floor. Apparently she had had enough of my moping. Out of everyone who knew my situation she understood how I felt the most, but she was seriously pissing me off. Excuse me if I can't wallow in my depression after what I've endured. But I knew she was right. I could let this control my love life but not every other aspect of my life. So after being verbally pushed out of my bed and into a shower I called Asia. "Hello?" Asia said sounding perplexed. I missed the sound of her heavily accented voice. "Hey it's Isa" I said shyly smiling a little. "Oh my God Isa?!" she asked shocked. "Yeah it's me how are you?" "I'm great. Oh Isa we've been so worried about you. How are you?" She said, her voice dripping with sympathy. I hated that sympathy. It made me feel weak. I was tired of being labeled as fragile. "I'm fine. So would do you um...want to hang out today by any chance?" I asked hoping we were still considered friends."That sounds great! Me and Robin were planning on catching a movie later. You could join us if you want." ,she said sounding genuinely excited about me tagging along. I accepted her offer and quickly said goodbye, so I could escape anymore pity that she felt she needed to throw my way.

I quickly threw on some loose denim jeans and a white tank top, then pull a creme v neck jumper over it. Comfort before style. I added a light layer of makeup and put my hair up into a messy bun then went down the hall to find my mom to tell her about my plans. After checking her study, bedroom, the living room, and the kitchen I decided she must have stepped out. I grab a pen and some paper and wrote her a note telling her where I would be. After pinning the note on the fridge with a magnet, I text Asia to tell her I'll meet her and Robin at the movie theatre. I run back up to my room and grab my wallet and keys, then run back downstairs. I slip my feet into some white flip flops and head to our gigantic garage. I'm driving my own car, my Range Rover. I know cliché right? But who could resist the beckoning call of the smooth and lovely interior in the inside of a Range Rover. People must ask themselves why would a girl who has everything not be popular? Let's just say I don't find getting hammered at parties and pretending to be someone I'm not very appealing. When someone shows me the handbook that says wealth comes with popularity, then by all means I'll berate myself for not living my life the right way. Until then I'm just fine being the socially inept Isa that everyone knows but not necessarily loves.

I didn't realize how much I missed driving my sleek truck until I'm actually gliding down the highway with the wind in my hair and a unique felling of freedom bubbling in the pit of my stomach. It didn't take much to satisfy me, and riding in my truck definitely did just that. It almost was enough to pull me out of my depressed stupor that has been keeping me buried inside of the house. Key word being almost. I'm actually pretty excited to see my friends. They are the only connection that I won't sever that even remotely reminds me of  Spencer. I've been trying to keep my mind off of things by watching bad soap operas and stuffing myself with my favorite artificially flavored creme filled snack. But to no avail, the only thing running through my mind constantly is Spencer. The way that an unnoticeable dimple appears on his left cheek when he smiles that smile, only reserved for my eager eyes. Or how he gives you the cutest puppy dog face when he really wants things to go his way. Definitely the way he pulls you in with every word he speaks, and has you feeling so lucky to have been the one to hear the words that have touched his lips. Honk! Honk! An aggravated driver behind me slams on their horn tearing me from my thoughts. I've been sitting at a green light, inattentive to the fact that it had even changed colors. I lurch forward, with my cheeks bright red, through the light and mentally slap myself for letting my thoughts break my connection with the conscious world. 

No sooner than the mental version of myself is rubbing her cheek, am I at the movie theater. I pull into an empty spot near the entrance of the cinema, and gather my things and head inside. It's not as crowded as I thought it would be on a lovely summers day but I thank the heavens that it isn't. I spot Asia, Robin, and Spencer. Wait Spencer!  No longer than a half a second passes and I can feel my throat go dry and my palms start to sweat. Why is Spencer here, and why did he have to look so good in his black v neck t-shirt and loose fitting dark wash denim jeans that are hanging tantalizingly low on his hips? Only two words could describe him right now - "swoon worthy". I soon realize that I've been standing here for at least ten seconds gawking in their direction, on the verge fn literally drooling at the love of my life, and quickly and audibly I snap my mouth shut. I don't know if I should turn away and pretend that I didn't see them or suck it up and just walk over there. As the less confident side of myself berates my more confident side for even thinking I have the guts to confront Spencer, I am forced to choose the latter when Spencer turns and shoots me the most dazzling yet nervous smile I've ever seen. Wringing my hands together, I face my fears head on and make my way towards them. "Um hi you guys." I say to Asia and Robin stopping in front of them and shooting them angry daggers with my eyes, facing away from Spencer. I take a deep breath and turn in his direction, breath hitching slightly when I take in those mesmerizing green eyes and the way he smirks ever so slightly sending my nerves into a frenzy." Hi Spence." I say nervously, not sure if he wants to be bothered with me." Hey Isa." he says engulfing me in a hug intended to be friendly and comforting, but only succeeding in stirring an unwelcome part of my memory, although I catch the slight tingle in my hands, my subconscious begging me to wrap them around his firm torso. I slowly ease my way out of the hug, trying not to come off as rude. He pulls away with a slightly sad expression distorting his handsome features, but understanding my need for space. He quickly recovers and is smiling my smile again. "So lets say we head in to see this movie." Robin says saving everyone from any further awkward situations. "Um yeah sure, I'll meet you guys in the the theatre. I have to go to the restroom. Asia, care to join me?" I ask shooting her a meaningful look. She nods and looks guiltily to the floor, while following a few steps behind me. Slamming into the public restroom nearly knocking over an elderly lady, I head straight for the sink and brace myself against the shiny marble counter. " Why is he here?" I say on the verge of a mental break down. Asia looks at me with a tinge of guilt and sympathy written on her perfectly made up face. I turn away choosing to stare at my less pretty reflection instead to steady my anger. " Oh come on Isa, it's Spencer! You've known him forever, and he begged me to come along. He really really misses you and won't stop asking about you. He is just trying to be your friend and help you through this just like everyone else. I know you're convinced that this has ruined your life, but you have all of us and we want the old Isa back." I turn to look at her, a silent tear rolling down my cheek. I've given myself that same speech so many times, but could never bring myself to actually go through with it. What everyone fails to realize is that the old Isa was just a more present version of myself now. I have no idea who I am anymore or who everyone expects me me to be. I also can't bring myself to let Spencer in, well because I love him. If I let him in, he"ll be disappointed, or worse: hurt. I can't give him what he deserves and the sooner he realizes that the better off he'll be. But I will be strong, just to see him happy. I wipe away any trace of weakness and without another word I walk out of the restroom and head straight to the theatre. Here goes nothing.

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OK SO I KNOW YOU GUYS PROBABLY HATE ME RIGHT NOW BUT i'VE BEEN EXTREMELY BUSY. BUT i WILL BE WRITING CHAPTERS AND POSTNG EVERY MONDAY FROM NOW ON! BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR STICKING AROUND! YOU GUYS ARE REALLY AMAZING! STAY AWESOME! :)