Cherry Mountains

(IX) The Secret Truth

Jealous: hostile toward a rival or one believed to enjoy an advantage

Without a doubt, it was jealously coursing through my veins, before my eyes could even read the body of words on the paper.

Yes, I had my chance with Prince back in Los Angeles. But he was a man I hardly knew. I knew his music. But I was trying to get to know him. And that's what I was doing. But seeing all of those snapshots made me think my legs didn't spread fast enough.

According to Jerome, this Maylani character met Prince less than a day before me. And from these pictures, it seemed their intimacy went beyond neck autographing.

It seemed I lost my chance. So, why did he bring me there? For a second attempt? Was I just some number to him?

To Maylani,
U will always be dear 2 me. I just want u 2 remember that. I was right about fate bringing u in my life. U opened my eyes 2 a lot of things. And thanks 4 listening and accepting my decisions. I love all of the pictures u sent me. Some were a bit teasing but I still loved them.
It's nice 2 know, that if all fails, I'll still have you 2 hold me. I wrote her a letter. But I still haven't found the courage 2 send it off. We'll see.
I love u, my kind friend.
See u on the road.
Prince.

Yes. I was very jealous. But happy to know she sent him the pictures and there didn't seem to be any romance between them. Though, the word love was mentioned.

I quietly collected and pushed around the photos and papers. I was curious to see if I could find another letter.

I figured it had to be to Kat.

I found an unsealed envelope, and there was a letter folded in three inside.

To subside crinkling, I opened it with ease. But then I nearly gasped when I saw '2 Nahla' centered on top of the stationary paper.

My eyes went wild with my heart and my back molded into the edge of the dresser. I was scanning the page. And lines were just jumping out at me.

Suffocating ever since... sight for my sore eyes... I adore you... Love, Prince.

I shut my eyes and took a deep breath. A slow, soft one.

I regained my focus, and stared ahead at the hill in his bed. Still, no movement.

So, with a little guilt, I started reading it.

I worked all day. And then came home 2 your message on my machine. 4 the first time, today, I smiled. I haven't stopped thinking about u since I left. I think about what u asked me. How am I breathing right now? I was able to breathe because I had u. I didn't know that, then. But I know now. Because I've been suffocating ever since I stepped foot in this house. Her things are still here. I tried getting rid of some but it was 2 much. I could call u and let your beautiful energy distract me. But I decided 2 face my reality. I don't want u 2 think that's all u are 2 me, though. Just a distraction. U are so much more. U push me away like no other ever has. Not without reason, anyway. It not only makes me want u more, it makes me respect u more. I don't know time, very well, if u haven't noticed by now. So when u say 2 weeks, it really means nothing. I just know at some point in the universe, I've fallen in love with the idea of u.

I remember when I first saw u out in the crowd. I didn't realize u were the same girl Jerome introduced me 2 backstage once. I pointed u out 2 a friend and made a mindless joke about u having my babies one day. We laughed. Then he told me u were Mykell's best friend. I quickly backed away the idea of approaching u. Because I knew u would tell Mykell and she would tell Jerome and he would tell Kat. We weren't together at the time. But still on and off. So I said forget it. It was always nice seeing u, though. Definitely, a sight for my sore eyes. It was hard for me not 2 show favoritism at First Ave. U were definitely my favorite. So eventually, I gave in and asked Jerome 2 have u call me. But u never did and I never asked him about it because I got back with Kat soon after.