Do I Wanna Know

Chapter 3

We were still standing in my office when Camila talked about the night of her 18th birthday. The surprise was visible on my face because the younger one had always told me that she didn’t remember a single thing about that night. Hearing her say, “That was some night” made me almost jump. So, she did remember?

“I just remember some parts”, she said ominously.

I felt a pair of blue eyes linger on the both of us and recalled that we weren’t alone. Her freaking girlfriend was with us and I should probably stop talking now. So I took a few steps back and smiled at Hanna, who seemed very relaxed. For some reason her ease bothered me; like she knew Camila was hers. Of course, she was right but if there was one trait about myself, I loathed more than any other, it was my jealousy.

Here I was, getting upset because Hanna wasn’t threatened by whatever it was that Camila and I used to have. That’s sick, I said to myself. I haven’t seen her in years and should be happy for her. She seemed so comfortable in her own skin. Unlike so many other times when were younger. Maybe that was the part I envied the most. Her contentment was very evident. Like she finally became the person she always intended on being.

It was just now, I really thought about what it meant that Camila was seeing a woman. Until now I had been so wrapped up in everything else that I haven’t genuinely processed the fact that Camila was gay or bisexual. All the memories of our tumultuous friendship flooded my mind and I knew her revelation would bring a completely new perspective on everything that had happened with us. I wasn’t sure whether or not I was ready to think about that because I had always told myself that it wasn’t as serious what we did – that we had been young and just curious.

“Oh my god, is that from the tour with Lana Del Rey?”, Camila almost squealed and made me pull myself together.

She was pointing to a picture of me and Lana Del Rey on stage together which made me smile instantly.

“Yeah, that was the first night I opened for her and she suddenly came out and performed the first song with me. In that moment I just wanted to run off the stage and cry because it was just so overwhelming”, I told the story and felt my entire face light up. “Definitely one of the most memorable moments so far.”

Being the opening act for a huge star like Lana Del Rey really put me on the map. Not only was it a big leap in my career but I also fulfilled my dream by touring the world with one of my biggest inspirations and idols. It was surreal to think back because it all happened so quickly.

My thoughts were interrupted by another cell phone. This time it wasn’t Camila’s. Hanna answered the device she pulled out of her purse while I watched Camila still studying the pictures.

“I’m so sorry but that was the hospital and I’m on call tonight. Apparently there was some big accident and they need all hands on deck”, Hanna explained as soon as she was done with her call.

Of course she’s a freaking doctor; I caught myself thinking. Not only was she the spitting image of Blake Lively, she was also smarter and kinder than 98% of the rest of the population. How could anyone even compete with that? Why was I even thinking about competing with her? I grew even more confused and frustrated with myself because I was having yet another inner monologue that wouldn’t amount to anything.

“Oh, that’s ok. I guess, we’ll go then”, Camila said and caught my attention again.

“No, you don’t have to. I mean, I am sure you guys have a lot to catch up on and Lauren will take good care of you if you drink too much”, Hanna said while my heart almost stopped.

I only looked at Camila for a second but detected her discomfort by Hanna’s last words. She probably thought the same thing. Me and her in combination with alcohol used to be a very bad idea.