Do I Wanna Know

Chapter 19

Distributing the white powder in two very even lines had become more or less a specialty of mine. Not that I was proud of it but I was just having fun, right? A lot people my age did that and with fame and money came certain opportunities. Not to mention the fact that I was drained, and exhausted and just in need of a little boost sometimes. The group’s schedule was crazy ever since our third album had dropped. Finishing a long day of press, I came back to the apartment with Jason and he had brought the substance infiltrating my system now.

I inhaled deeply and felt the instant rush pulsating in every cell of my body. The dark-haired man wasn’t much of user himself but for some reason always encouraged me to do it. He was sort of my boyfriend although we never really talked about stuff like that. We partied together and he was a welcome distraction from the girls and the goody two shoes image the group had to sustain. In time I had grown frustrated with the direction of Fifth Harmony because I wasn’t able to express the kind of music I wanted to make. None of us could.

As I settled on my bed, something felt different after my fix. My body was shaking more than usual and my head was spinning profusely. The stomach pains were new as well and I felt the panic rising.

“I think I used a little too much, Jason”, my worried voice said and the man looked at me.

He came closer and sat down next to me on the bed, checking out my pupils.

“Jeez, you sure have”, he said casually while I was starting to freak out.

“Well, what do I do now?”, I asked panic-stricken.

The cold, blue eyes focused on me intently before he pulled out a little bag. I followed his movements and saw the pills wrapped in plastic.

“Take one of those. They’ll help you calm down”, he said and for some reason I was getting more scared by the second. Something in his eyes made me terrified and I shook my head in response.

“They look like fucking roofies and I told you I’m not doing any pills”, I said and tried sounding confident.

He didn’t seem to care about my answer and pulled out one of the green tablets, placing it in my hand.

“You want to come down, right?”, he said and made it sound like I had to. I was scared out of my mind that I might have taken an overdose. My green eyes focused on the pill in the same color. His index finger started circling the skin of my bare thighs since I just wore panties and a T-shirt. I knew what he wanted but I didn’t want to be passed out while he was doing God knows what. Something clicked in my head that I was in very dangerous place. Maybe it was the paranoia of the drugs but I felt somewhat lucid. That’s why I gave him the pill back and decided to rather wait it out instead of taking more illegal substances.

“Suit yourself”, he said and cupped my face unexpectedly with both hands. His kiss was rough and I felt sick. I had felt sick before but now I was close to barfing all over him when his hand just slid into my panties.

“No, I don’t want to this right now”, I said and grabbed his hand to pull it out from underneath the thin fabric.

“Oh come on. It’ll feel fucking brilliant as high as you are right now”, Jason kept going and pushed me down rather ruggedly. His hands were going everywhere they shouldn’t and I felt genuinely freaked out by his behavior.

“Stop it, I’m serious”, I breathed and tried to free myself from his grip.

“Shut the fuck up, alright”, he hissed suddenly and grabbed my wrists so tightly I felt he was breaking my bones. “I thought we have an agreement and you’ve been repaying me for the all the blow I’ve given you in the past couple of months.”