Poems of a dark soul

A day in sadness

A day in sadness

I sit here all alone,
Waiting in fear,
As I watch the darkness appear.
The only person that saves me from this,
The love of my life,
Lives over a thousand miles away.
While i sit alone in my house,
The door opens,
In walks my mother.
No hi,
No i love you,
No how are you,
The first thing she asks is,
“Did you unload the dishwasher?”
I give her my answer,
The one she doesn’t want.
Instead of saying,
“Oh, that’s okay”
She sighs and rolls her eyes,
Now she's upset.
She walks away,
No hi,
No i love you,
No how are you.

Hours later my father comes home,
He gives me the same question every time,
“Whats up”
And i give him the same answer,
“Nothing”
Because thats true,
Nothing is up,
Everything is down,
Even my head,
As I hear the snap of another beer can opening.
Then he walks past,
Going into his room,
Time for him to get drunk.
Now acting like i’m not there.

What can i do?
Nothing
No one cares.
I say that i’m not feeling well
And all I get is a
“Well i don’t know what to tell you”
Or “i don’t either”
So i sit there again.

While my mom packs,
For yet another trip to my grandpa's
I say i want to go,
But i don’t want to spend the night.
There is a good reason why,
I try to explain,
But again all I get is a sigh.
That’s always a response,
Like i’ve done something wrong.
I guess i’m a disappointment.
They never say that i’m not.
Do you want to know why?
Why i don’t want to spend the night?
Because i slept on that same makeshift bed,
With the love of my life.
He was only here for 2 weeks,
We spent half of our time there.
I don’t want to have to be there,
In the same bed,
Knowing he was once there.
But….
No one cares…

It doesn’t matter how I feel,
It doesn’t matter how much pain that would bring me.
I’m just told to stay home.
So i do,
Alone again.
Only able to text,
The one that takes away all my fear,
The one that lights up the darkness,
To lead me through.
That’s why i have blood stains, on the side of my shoe.