Is It Raining Where You Live? (Joshler)

Chapter 3

What does a person do when their tumblr senpai notices them. Do you respond? Do you wait until the next day before you say anything? If you are to say something what is the first thing you say? Do you go straight in with the "Hello! What's your sexual preference and gender identity? Where on this planet do you live? What color are your eyes? Do you want to meet up sometime? WHAT'S YOUR PASSWORD? CAN I HAVE YOUR CREDIT CARD INFORMATION AND SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER?" Okay, maybe a bit intense. I don't even need half of that information.

I sat at my desk with my head in my hands. I didn't know what to do. Would I seem like an asshole if I didn't respond? Would I seem too desperate if I responded right away? I audibly sighed to myself. I have friends in real life, I shouldn't be acting like such a fanboy over something like this. The person running this blog is just a human being like myself, I need to stop freaking out. I sat up straight, stretching my arms behind the back of my head, curving my spine and hearing it crack. I sat up straight in my chair as I carefully placed my hands on the keyboard of my computer.

"Hi..." No, no, be casual Josh. "Hey Ty! It means a lot to me that you would respond to my message :)" Are smiley faces a bit too creepy and like stalkerish? ":3" Much better. "Thanks for checking out my blog as well! Sorry if I made you blush a bit too much ;3 x Jish aka spooky-jishwa."

Good? Good. Send? Yes. After taking several deep breaths I willed myself to hit the send button. Even after sending the message I still felt frantic as heck. I quickly exited tumblr and finally decided to go back to doing my homework. It's possibly the only way I would be able to get Ty off my mind, even if it's only for a little while. I closed my computer and opened up my backpack pulling out more stupid work. Time to get this show on the road.

"Tyler I don't understand, why London? It's so far away." I felt tears starting to form in my eyes. I knew I needed to hold them in, I didn't want to look weak in front of him. "That's just how life goes sometimes Josh. I have to go now okay? Our flight leaves from the airport in an hour or so." Tyler turned his back to me and started to walk away. "WHY DIDN'T YOU BOTHER TO TELL ME UNTIL NOW TYLER!" I shouted at him. I felt the tears slowly drip down my cheeks. Tyler stopped dead in his tracks. He turned towards me, our eyes meeting for only a moment before his flicked downwards. "I-i'm really sorry Josh. I don't like this anymore than you do okay? I just, it's not my choice. You know how my dad is with his job. Yours is the same way man." My eyes now drifted downward. I heard Tyler walking towards me. I felt and hand on my chin, carefully lifting up my head, my tears continued to fall. I looked up, Tyler's eyes longingly gazing into mine. "Josh" Tyler said, staring at me, but I looked away. "I can't do this Tyler, I can't get through this year without you." Tears fell faster now, I couldn't get ahold of my emotions. "Tyler I-i love you, I'm sorry." Tyler froze. I felt him pull his hand away. I heard him take a few steps back. "I have to go." I turned back to face him but it was too late, he was already running in the direction of his mom's car. "TYLER" I called, but he just kept running.

I woke up with a start, pulling my head out of my textbook. I must have fallen asleep while I was working on homework. "Shit," I silently cursed to myself. I rubbed my eyes noticing they were wet from tears. I looked down to see tear stains on my textbook. I rubbed my temples, silently sighing annoyingly to myself. Almost every night when I go to sleep I have dreams of Tyler. I just can't get over him. My mom once suggested I go see a therapist, and that worked for a while. The dreams became less frequent. But when I did have them they were worse than ever before. Some nights I woke up to my mother shaking me, she said that I had been screaming at the top of my lungs, practically crying bloody murder. So I stopped therapy. Now I just have to learn to deal with it.

Tyler was my best friend ever since I started preschool back in Columbus. We did anything and everything together. I'm at the point now in life where I'm not afraid to say that I was most definitely in love with him. But now I'm left with only the memory of him. By this point I think a part of me still loves him, but I don't even know him anymore. It's like a part of me is in love with a figment of imagination. Since he left he never talked to me again. I never knew if he felt the same way or not. I waited months for a call or a text from him, even just a simple letter. But I got a whole bunch of nothing. When my family finally decided to move to LA is when I gave up hope that I would ever hear from him again.

I curled my legs up into my chest on the chair, nuzzling my head into my knees. "Get your shit together Josh." I whispered to myself. I heard my door squeak open and I quickly looked up. "Hey Joshy?" I turned my head to see my mom standing in the doorway. "You doing okay honey? It's 12:30 at night and I saw that your lights were still on. You doing okay?" "Oh, uh hey mom," I said "Yeah I'm good, I swear. I just fell asleep studying again." My mom raised an eyebrow in my direction. I carefully wiped my hands under my eyes, making sure there were no more tears. "Tyler?" she asked. I froze. I couldn't say anything. Around a month ago I had told her that the dreams had stop, but that had been a lie. My mom walked over and carefully put her arms around my shoulders. "They never stopped did they..." I shook my head. My mother sighed, "I'm sorry Josh, I really hoped that they had gone away. After Tyler moved away I thought if we moved too that would help you get over him." "It's okay mom, you did all you could." I leaned into her arms. She leaned down to kiss the top of my head,"Go to sleep love." And with that she turned away and left the room.

After she closed the door I made my way over to my bed. I made sure my phone was plugged in first before removing my pants, turning off my lights, and flopping down onto my bed in only my shirt and boxers. I stared up into the empty dark void of my ceiling. There were days when I was younger where I used to have those plastic glow in the dark stars on my ceiling. There were nights when Tyler and I had sleepovers at my house, we both slept in my bed as I was lucky enough to have a queen sized bed. We would stare off into the glowing stars and imagine that each star was a person. "You see that star?" Tyler would often say "Her name is Ruby." I would smile and giggle to myself. "Why Ruby?" I would say. "Dunno, seems fitting." I could practically hear Tyler smile. "Do her eyes glow as bright as the stars?" I would ask. "Brighter than the rest." he would say, and we would just smile and continue to stare at the plastic stars, wishing they were real.

I rolled over to see that the clock now read 1 am. I sighed to myself, annoyed at my now inability to sleep. I jumped up out of my bed and picked up my phone. If there was one thing that put me to sleep, it was music. I laid back down on my bed, putting in my earbuds, and going to scroll through my music. I went into my playlist labeled blurryfaced-pilot. I maybe, sorta, kind of, downloaded all of their music. I quickly pressed play and closed my phone.

"Hey everyone, if anyone is actually listening. This is an original song I made and I hope you like it." blurryfaced-pilot, or Ty, coughed. "Oh, Ms Believer, my pretty sleeper. Your twisted mind is like snow on the road. Your shaking shoulders prove that it's colder, inside your head than the winter of dead."

I smiled to myself as I continued to stare off into the darkness. I fell asleep to the sound of Ty's voice and ukulele, and to the sound of rain.