Is It Raining Where You Live? (Joshler)

Chapter 4

     I walked down the black and white roads of Columbus, Ohio. The streets zig-zagged and swirled in all directions. I looked up at the gray leaves on the darker gray trees. A world devoid of color. The sun shone white and light gray in the distance, the various grays of the sky blending in. I walked further and further down the streets, eventually making my way to the end. The road suddenly cut off, ceased to exist. I looked up from my feet on the bland, black, asphalt road, and up to see a whole forest of trees in front of me. Various shades of grays, whites, and blacks lay before me. An adventure awaits.

As I made my way into the forest I began to notice that the further I ventured, the more a deep fog began to fill the air. The more fog filled the air, the faster I travelled, determined to get wherever the forest was leading me. The fog wouldn't leave, so I started running. I ran faster and faster, somehow managing not to run into the vast expanse of trees. I ran so fast and so hard that my legs hurt. My lungs ached and I felt as if the were filling up with thick blood. I couldn't take it much longer though, as the exhaustion of my lungs and legs was too great. I collapsed, falling onto my hands and knees. I felt as if I was suffocating. I coughed, spitting out phlegm.

Suddenly I sniffed the air, and that's when I realized, it wasn't fog. I stood up and spun around. All around me the black and white forest was ablaze with red burning fire. As my lungs filled up with smoke I began choking. I tried to cover my nose and mouth with my sleeve, but after running and breathing as much as I did, the attempt was futile. I tried to turn, to find an exit from the flames, but there was no escaping. As I turned, I tripped on a fallen branch, falling flat on my back. I looked up, but I could not see the sky, just billowing clouds of dark gray. My throat began to close up, just as my eyes did. As they fluttered closed a heard a voice whisper melodically into my ear.

"We will walk, so much slower."

I woke up with a start. My hands were shaking as I wiped my hand frantically across my sweaty forehead. I sat up, laying my head on my knees as I attempted to control my breathing. "Just a dream Josh, just a dream." I don't know why I can't ever gain control of myself while I'm not awake. I turned my head, gazing at my clock. The time read that it was five-thirty in the morning. I sighed, curling my knees into my chest, knowing I wouldn't be getting rest any time soon. I hugged myself, wrapping my arms around me so that my hands rested on my shoulders. I raked my fingernails over my shoulders, eventually digging them into my skin. "Why am I such a fuckup."

My alarm wasn't set to go off until six-forty-five, so needless to say I could leisurely get ready for school this morning. I threw off my covers and unenthusiastically rolled out of bed. Eventually I made it out to my bathroom, in desperate need of a shower after sweating so much last night. As I prepped the shower I slipped of my sweaty clothes. Catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror I sighed. "Stop looking like shit Josh." I climbed into the shower, letting the warm droplets envelope my shaky, unstable form. My showers always have to be hot, if not, the cold water sometimes makes me feel like I can breathe, and that I'm drowning. I hate having panic attacks in the shower, it's just makes me feel so weak.

Color protecting shampoo swirled down the drain, along with red water due to my hair. As I showered my mind always wondered. Today my thoughts were still fixated on my dream from last night. Why was the world in back and white? Why the fire? What started it? Even more puzzling was he voice. We will walk, so much slower... and then it hit me. "Oh Ms. Believer," I sang out loud to myself. Why was Ty invading my dreams, and in such an unpleasant fashion. What the fuck is going on inside of my head.

The water washed the soap that was lathered on my body. Once it was all off I shut off the water, opened the door, and stepped out onto the bathmat. I grabbed the towel drying off a bit before running the water through my hair. I gazed at myself in the mirror again, steam covering most of it. Everything in the mirror looked faded, blurry even. I looked away, it was pointless anyway. I made my way to my bedroom, leaving the towel behind. When I got there I realized my phone was still in my bead and I quickly plugged it in, wanting to have a full charge for school. I opened my drawer, getting out underwear and putting it on. Opening my closet I took out my typical outfit, shirt and shorts. Since it was going to be your typically hot California day though I decided a tank top would be my best bet.

Making my way downstairs I made myself a bowl of cereal, gazing out and watching the sunrise as I ate. I was glad I could see the world in full color. A world devoid of color was just in my head, left to awaken only as I sleep. As I gazed out on the horizon I was lost in my thoughts. Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Hey Joshie," my mom said "You're up early!" "Oh, hey mom." I said. "Sleep okay Josh?" "Uhm, oh, yeah, I guess." She gazed at me worryingly. I new she was just concerned for me, but I didn't want my problems dragging her down.

I gazed off into the sunrise once more looking at the vast spectrum of colors. "I will tell you I love you, but the muffs on your ears, will cater your fears." I sang softly to myself before taking another bite. "What was that Josh?" my mom said, turning her head toward me. "Oh, it's nothing."