I know she's busy and living her dream and the last thing I would want is to hold her back from that.
I don't even know if she's thought about me at all.
As I keep scrolling through our old photos we took on tour together and the ones from the small amount of time we spent together after the blurryface tour, Tyler finally notices and leans over, as he was sitting right beside me on our tour bus.
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He lets out a sigh before a tone of sadness releases from his lips.
"Why are you doing this to yourself?"
I look up at him as I try my best to keep eye contact with his.
My heart beat races a bit before I speak.
"I-I don't know... I-I just miss her and I haven't spoken to her in a while and I feel like she's forgotten about me or something but I don't want to bother her because I know she's living her dream and probably having such a good time and I don't want to hold her back from that and-"
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Tyler interrupts my venting session as he wraps his arms around me in a hug.
I pull my arms up as I hug my best friend.
Wow, I didn't realize I had that all built up.
I breathe a sigh of relief that those words finally erupted from my mouth and didn't just sway about in my sprightly mind.
Even though my heart was pumping fast each second, I was almost exhausted.
Ty eventually released from our hug as he placed his hand on my shoulder.
"Look, I know how much (Y/N) loves you. I can see it in her face and I can most definitely see it in yours. I can imagine how difficult it must be to feel like you're holding her back from something but I can assure you (Y/N) probably doesn't think you're doing anything wrong. I'm sure she misses you too, Josh." My tattooed band member furrowed his brunette brows at me, worrisome.
I bite my lip and look down.
Maybe he's right...
"I...I can't stop thinking about her. I'm so tired of thinking like this." I exclaim.
Tyler removes his hand from my now shivering shoulder.
"What do you think you should do?" He asks in a quiet voice.
I slowly rise of the seats of the moving bus.
I look at nothing but the wall for a few seconds as my mind runs back and forth.
What am I gonna do?
You're holding her back.
She's better off without you.
Why am I thinking like this? (Y/N) loves me...
I just need to stop thinking like this or else it'll just get worse.
Maybe I am holding (Y/N) back.
I feel my phone start to vibrate and ring in the back pocket of my jeans.
The ringing interrupts my thoughts and I grab my cellphone.
"Sunshine"
I look at Tyler.
"It's her."
-Your P.O.V-
"Hello?"
I exhale of relief when I finally hear Josh's sweet voice.
"Josh...hey." I greet him.
"H-Hey, (Y/N)." I hear Josh reply softly.
I inhale before I begin to apologize.
"Josh...I am so so sorry for not calling. I've-I've just been so busy and I've been working on my new album and I've been doing interviews and I just-"
"(Y/N)." Josh says abruptly.
"Yeah?"
"You're living your dream. You shouldn't have to apologize for that."
I become saddened by his words.
"Josh...that's sweet but you're my boyfriend. I desire to talk to you. I love you." I say, looking down, fiddling with the bottom of my shirt with my finger and thumb.
Josh exhales.
"I-..I love you too, (Y/N)."
He seems upset.
"Josh...is something wrong?" I become worried over Josh's tone.
"Yeah...I...I just really miss you sunshine." I hear him say.
Sunshine.
I haven't heard his nickname for me in what feels like ages.
I feel my heart sink a little bit at the tone of his sadness.
I don't want Josh to be this sad over me.
"I miss you too, Josh. I'm-I'm sure we'll see each other soon."
I hear Josh sniffle over the other end of the line.
"Yeah...next year."
"Hey, it's already August, babe! It'll just be a few more months before I'll get to actually see you in person again. Don't lose hope, alright?" I try my best at re-assuring Josh over the phone.
Silence sits between us for a few seconds.
"Josh?"
"Y-Yeah, alright." The boy with dyed hair finally speaks up.
I sigh.
"I love you, Josh. I'm sorry for never calling.."
"I told you not to worry about it-"
"I know, I know. I just...feel really bad about it." I confess to Josh.
"Please, don't feel bad sunshine. I know you must be happy doing what you love. I wouldn't want to be in the way of that."
"Josh, you're not-"
"Hey, I gotta go sunshine." Josh begins to say goodbye.
My (E/C) eyes start to become watery as I hear Josh beginning to leave.
"O-Okay. I'll talk to you soon."
"Bye sunshine."
Click.
A/N: AH MY HEARRTT. I FELT SO SAD WRITING THIS. I HOPE U ENJOYED IT ANYWAY. LOVE YA BYE!
