A Life Less Ordinary

Part 7 - You're joking, right?

Mark wanted to hold me back and I knew at the bottom of my heart that it was not right taking Nico away from him. But I couldn't bear it anymore. If I stayed I would go crazy. He tried to argue why I had to stay. His arguments were right but he didn't find the one that would have made me stayed. So I just cut him off by shouting at him. Markus, I love you and you don't love me! That's why I have to go! He was quiet after that.

We'll find a way with Nico. I promised him when I left our and now his house. I could see that he was fighting back his tears, but I had to think of me and my feelings. So I went off to his parents where we could stay until I would find us a new appartment. I had tears in my eyes but I knew that it was the best to leave.

So life went on, I found us a small appartment that I could afford and we found a good schedule with Nico. Beside Hello, How are you? and How was your time with him? I avoided to talk to him. Everytime he tried I cut him off. And it was not that I wouldn't have loved talking to him. I missed him badly, Nico missed him badly when he wasn't around, and I knew that Mark missed Nico badly. I could see it in his eyes everytime he brought him back to me. I felt guilty for being so selfish, but what was the alternative? Living with him and  hoping he wouldn't find a new love? No that was not acceptable for me.

Two months after we moved into our new appartment we all were invited to a big barbeque at his parents home. It was a nice party, I enjoyed the family time and I talked to nearly everyone except for him. I agreed to stay with Nico for the night so I would not have to leave so early.  Late in the evening, Nico was sleeping upstairs, I went outside sitting on the small wall at the end of the backyard. I didn't heard him coming. I felt his warmth when he sat beside me and handed me a bottle of water without saying a word. Is sitting beside me okay? He asked after a while. Why not? I responded. He laughed sardonicly. Because you don't talk to me anymore. He said. I'm talking to you all the time. I protested, knowing that that wasn't what he meant. I turned  to him only to see his beautiful face full of agony. No you don't. He whispered. Not like you used to. I knew that that was true. I kept silent. Sarah, I just came here to tell you that I really miss you. He said after some time. I sighed. But you see Nico all the time. I answered. He laughed. Sweetheart, that's not what I said. He responded. I said that I miss YOU! - As a friend, I know. I whispered. My stupid little heart still hoped for the releasing words. That too, of course. He smiled. But I realized that I miss being with you, that I love having you around, that I love waking up beside you, that I love starting the day with you, that I love going out for a walk with you, that I love cuddling with the two of you on the sofa, that I love being in our garden with you, that I even love grocery shopping with you.... All the time I stared at him with disbelief. My heart was racing, my hands were sweaty. And then the most beautiful sound came out of his mouth. .... that I love you. He murmured. His beautiful eyes were full of hope. Markus... I just said. I couldn't believe what I heard. And then he took my face into his hands and his lips touched mine gently. Yes? He smiled. Did you just say that you LOVE me? I asked. Yes, that's what I said. If you want I will repeat it over and over again. He responded.

And that was the moment I pulled my arms around him and kissed him back.