Forever and a Half || Michael Jackson

Chapter forty-six - Leave My World So Cold

Chapter forty-six – Leave My World So Cold

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It seems to take forever for me to actually snap back to reality. In fact, even when I feel as if I've snapped back, I haven't. There's just an empty, painful, numb feeling that's causing my head, and my heart, and my chest to feel completely hollowed out.

Now that I've calmed down a little, it's completely silent. Even with people around me talking, it's silent. They're all talking about me, but I couldn't care less about that right now. I can sense it; the feeling of conspicuousness is almost snapping me back to reality – but it isn't quite doing so.

Perhaps all this is simply a dream. I mean, it's just in my imagination, right? There's no way my father is gone, only a matter of months after my mother. There's simply no way. No way whatsoever.

I'm sat in a trance by my father's chair. All the others are gathered together, still looking out the window for the paramedics. Even Michael is over there, now. He must have gotten the impression that I needed some space. This doesn't feel real to me at all; it feels as if I'm living in a parallel universe. The thought of having no parents ... Now I understand how much it hurts Michael to live this way.

And once again, the death is down to Marco. For what he's done, he's not even going to want to cross me in his life time. Because if I see him, I'll kill him. I'll have to go to jail, let alone him.

... But all this is my fault. If I hadn't have told Marco we were in America, he wouldn't have found us. So in other words ... I caused my father's death.

Me ... I did.

The only thing that brings me back to reality is the sudden movement of various people walking into my line of vision. When my eyes focus, I realise it's the paramedics. For a moment, I don't react to them, because I'm paralysed with grief; but when they start to take father away, I'm extremely quick to react.

"Don't take him!" I cry, my calm state vanishing in the blink of an eye. Standing up, I try to prise the paramedics off my dad, but they remain persistent in sending him to the ambulance.

"Miss Espinosa, we have to take him to the mortuary. There's nothing we can do for him. I'm so sorry for your loss."

In an unplanned, out-of-character outburst, I explode with anger at the paramedics. "And that's your fault! You didn't get here on time! You caused me to lose my father! You guys were too slow! How could you do this to me! How could you take my father away from me!" My anger eventually subsides into devastation, as I feel Michael embrace me from behind once again, bringing me to a kneeling position as I collapse. "How—could—you—do—this—to—me!"

"Angel ... Angel ... " Michael whispers into my ear, stroking my hair to comfort me. "Shh ... shh ... " He kisses my forehead, for a few prolonged seconds, before cradling me in his arms. "It's going to be okay ... I'm here for you ... Shh ... "

His words cause me to turn around so that I face him, and my head falls into his chest, where I sob against him loudly. "He's—gone! ... " I cry, grabbing bunches of his shirt in my hands, and curling my fingers around them. "He—left—me! ... "

"He's with your mother and your brother, sweetheart. He's so much happier there, I promise." Michael rocks me back and forth gently, trying to calm me down. "Marco can't hurt him any more, and he has no more suffering ... "

"I—want—to—kill—him! ... " I plead into his clothing, my voice muffled, and my voice broken from crying.

"I understand that; I really do ... And he will pay for this, I promise ... He'll get what he deserves ... Shh ... " I feel his head move upwards, perhaps looking at Reiss and Clover. "Would you guys like to go to the mortuary? We'll catch you up in a short while ... "