Forever and a Half || Michael Jackson

Chapter Fifty-seven - Pointless

Chapter fifty-seven — Pointless

Note: once again, mention of sensitive topics, so please avoid reading Michael's point of view and the narrator's if you are sensitive to the affects of mental health issues. Thank you. <3

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In initial panic, I'm frozen to the spot. There's a positive pregnancy test right in front of my eyes, meaning that inside of my own body, there's a real-life human being growing. My head is flooded with emotions. I genuinely have no idea whether to consider this newfound information good or bad, and I don't know how to go about telling Michael or Clover. Will I keep the baby? Or will I not? Would it be a boy? Or a girl? Would I be able to tolerate the pain of giving birth? Would I not? Would I be able to afford to take care of him or her? Would I struggle? Would I be a good mother? There's so many questions in my head right now. I almost feel lightheaded.

"Okay, calm down," I murmur to myself, trying my hardest to take a deep breath and think rationally about everything that's just dawned on me.

So, I think keeping the baby would be the best option. I don't think I could abort it; my conscience would kill me if I did. I'd feel as if I had no morals destroying the makings of a child half Michael and half myself. Just the idea is too precious. But what if Michael feels strongly about having a child before age thirty? I'm sure he would love the idea; after all, he's said before he'd have children when the time was right, and with the right person. And if he's willing to create the child with me, to begin with, he must trust me with every inch of him. I must be the right person.

But when do I tell him? It seems ill-timed right now because Clover literally moved in just an hour ago, having lost both of her housemates, so to speak — both of which were and still are very important to us all. I can't just gatecrash it by announcing I'm pregnant. I'll have to keep it quiet until the time is right, even if it will burn me up inside.

"Cit, are you alright?" I hear Clover calling from downstairs.

In fear of her coming to check on me, I grab the test, stuff it into my pocket and dash into the bedroom to find a place to hide it. "Yeah, I'm alright; don't worry about me!" I shout back down the stairs. Once I'm in the bedroom, I search for somewhere suitable. Opening my bedside drawer, I find a scarf and wrap the test in it, before shoving it in and gently closing the drawer. It's a temporary fix, and Michael and I respect each other's privacy; he won't find it any time soon.

Feeling a little more relieved that the secret will be safe at least for now, I regain a normal breathing pattern, and slowly walk downstairs where the other two are waiting for me.

* * *

-February 12, 1988-

It's been maybe a couple of weeks since Clover moved in, and I've yet to tell either her or Michael about the baby. I just don't have it in me to find a right moment to do it. It's eating me up inside, but, when is there a good time to announce something as huge and life-changing as that? I'm just hoping there will be a suitable time at some point soon. It's going to become increasingly obvious that I'm hiding something, because I keep throwing up as a result of morning sickness. I can't keep making excuses. Michael has already suggested going to the doctor, but I keep reassuring him I'll be okay. Although, I'm not sure how he isn't able to guess what's going on, being a nearly thirty-year-old man.

-Michael's Point of View-

It's been a few weeks since Clover moved in, and as a result the whole atmosphere in the house has changed. It's nice a lot of the time, sure. But there's also times when the silence is painful because we know we're the only three left to fall victim to Marco and his evil ways. Although I'm convinced I'll be next. Not that Marco would need to do anything anyway.