Stars Leave Black Holes Behind [HS]

10

When Valerie walked down the stairs of her childhood home the next morning, after her first actual sleep in an entire fucking year, she found her sister and brother in the kitchen, whispering quietly in that way they did when they were sharing secrets Val wasn't a part of.

She decided not to say anything, just walk by and ignore it. She couldn't really look Louis in the eye. Not after yesterday.

They both stopped talking when she entered the room, Delilah's big blue eyes widening and her mouth squeezing shut. Louis coughed, scratched the back of his neck, coughed again.

"Sleep well?"

Yes. She had actually slept brilliantly. Oddly enough.

Valerie couldn't quite comprehend how she'd slept so well. Maybe it was because she was sleeping somewhere she knew she'd been happy once, a room that was not filled with sadness and longing and desperation.

She couldn't decide why she didn't like that she'd slept well, but she didn't. No. She didn't at all.

Valerie shrugged her shoulders as she reached for a glass. She wasn't hungry.

"Whaddaya want for brekky? Mum got us pastries if you want," Louis tried, but Valerie just shrugged her shoulders again.

"I'm good," her voice was rough and throaty and it annoyed her. "Thanks, though."

"V, you've got to eat," Delilah spoke softly and Valerie could feel the ice melt slightly. She'd always had a soft spot for Del. Always always always. "You barely ate any dinner yesterday and you're not having anything this morning and-"

"Louis told you then?" Valerie placed the glass down on the counter and stared at her two siblings as they quickly glanced to each other and then to the floor. "Hmm?"

"Yeah, he, um. He did," Delilah stuttered and brought her bottom lip into her mouth. "He only told me because he's worried about you. We both are, V. You need to look after yourself, and not let some stupid prick get in the way."

Valerie bit the inside of her cheeks.

"Yeah, V, you're going to get sick. You're thin and pale and-and you're not the same. You haven't been for a while, but it's... worse. At Easter, you were like this, but, I dunno, we thought you were ill or something. Just feeling under the weather, you know? And when we saw you in summer. You weren't like- like this."

Valerie nodded her head and tasted blood inside her mouth. Her eyes stung. But it was okay. Everything was actually completely okay.

"Val? Do you understand? You need to talk to someone, you need to get better."

Louis was staring at her and Valerie just smiled hopelessly. Because she was so fucked up that nothing anybody could say, not even her own brother, could make it better. Could make the pain of missing him go away. Could make the thoughts of him that continually rolled in her head disappear.

Because Harry had become a part of her. Had snuck his way underneath the surface of her skin and dissolved into her bloodstream. He was being pumped around her body every second. He was everywhere. And getting him out of her would kill her faster than any medication, than any dose of any drug there was, because it would mean having to pull her teeth from her gums, her eyes from their sockets, and her heart from her chest. Getting rid of him, was getting rid of her.

And that would be fucking destruction at it's best.

"I'm fine, guys. Honestly. Just, like, leave me alone, okay? I'm fine."

__

Song: DKLA by Troye Sivan

"When I close my eyes I still see your ghost."