twenty one :.: joshler

XI

"i'm... leaving."

leaving. you see? he doesn't love you, tyler. he's leaving, probably to go be with someone who actually matters.

like debby. 

"what do you mean, leaving?" my voice nearly comes out as a squeak, my throat feels completely dry and my chest tightens around a heart that's beating a mile a minute.

"oh, that must've sounded much worse than it was supposed to, i'm sorry." he chuckles before reading the absolute confusion and horror on my face, "i'm only going on tour."

"jesus, joshua! you scared the freaking hell out of me!" I nearly shout, wiping stray tears from the corners of my eyes, "who the hell tells someone they're going on tour starting with 'i'm leaving'?"

"baby, i'm sorry." josh sighs, reaching for my hand. I pull it away, crossing my arms over my chest. regret tugs at my heart strings, but I shove the feeling away as much as possible.

"josh, my heart is beating out of my freaking chest!" my voice is less intimidating than embarrassingly shaky, tears still threatening to spill over. calm down, ty. he's not gonna leave you. calm down, I repeat to myself, in hopes of reassurance.

"i'm sorry, I didn't think it through. c'mere babyboy." he holds his arms open and I debate for a moment, glancing between him and the grainy wooden flooring of my apartment. his stare is sincerely apologetic, and I melt under his gaze again like I always do. I crawl onto his lap with a defeated sigh, wrapping my arms around his freckled neck. as my fingers clasp together behind his neck, I run my thumbs through tufts of his pink hair.

"I th-thought-"

"I know, and i'm so sorry. you know I love you far too much to ever even think about leaving you. I shouldn't have said it the way I did." he breathes, his lips mere centimeters from my own. he kisses the skin along my jawline, and right at that one spot behind my ear. he just knows any and every way to calm me down, and he makes it hard to stay angry at him. but I don't mind, mostly because I don't like being angry at him at all. I was just very taken aback.

"w-when do you l-leave?" I attempt to ask as his soft lips attack my neck and his callused hands ghost over my thighs, resting on my ass.

he removes his lips from my skin only long enough to pant the words, "the day after Christmas."

"the day after Christmas.." I repeat, mostly to myself. twenty eight days. that's not a very long time.

"how long will you be gone?" I ask as I rest my forehead against his, my hands still tangled in his cotton-candy hair. the hair that used to be red, the hair that makes him stand out in a sea of people. the hair that adorns his beautifully structured face and falls over his eyes while he sleeps. it always seems curlier in the mornings, and god, I could just play with it for hours. mainly because I know he loves when I do. and I enjoy making him happy. it makes me happy.

"around forty days." that's a long time.

"o-okay."

"i'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. but hey, tyler, guess what." josh smiles a excitedly, caressing my face with his hands. I adjust to the sudden change of subject, and reply.

"hm?"

"your birthday is in three days!" he exclaims, lurching up from the couch and spinning me in countless circles. once he sits back down and i'm able to control my laughter, I reply.