Poetic Relapse.

Emotionless.

I broke up with her on a Friday night. I broke her heart a little more and I feel zero remorse for my actions even though hurting her was not a factor in my plans. I kissed a man on Friday night. I felt more connected to him in those short 5 hours we spent together that I had felt with her in the short three weeks we spent dating each other and I feel no remorse for my actions.

He pointed out that I would get no where in life if I treated people the way I treated her. And I knew that, but I couldn't help but skip past the fear of my future and go straight to acceptance. I know at some point my mind will melt into a series of sad memories and broken heart trailed behind me for I have been hurt before and will continue to hurt based off of that one experience and have mind does not fear this feeling but prays for it to never stop.

I feel as if so am controlling my own actions when I tell her I don't want to be with her any longer for my heart is not with me and my love for her in non existent and will never be able to show itself. I have hurt more than I have loved and I am unsure of why I crave it but he is right,

I will go no where with these actions of mine and my heart is a knife that carves jagged lines into other people's skin and my eyes no longer brim with tears that rim my lids with mistakes. My actions do no depict myself, for they are after thoughts, there is no, "Think before you speak." Where I come from, only harsh words that are soon to be regretted when you see their tears streaming down their cheeks and you can't help but turn away because you can't feel this regret, you look them in the eyes as you tell them they're not what you want anymore after stringing them on and their on the floor crying but you're not buying it.

I am no long one to care for emotions. I no longer succumb to this feeling of, "I'm sorry." and a warm embrace that will make everything okay, I am no longer one to care for other people's emotions. For they no longer effect my own heart beat and my chest does not constrict at the thought of her loving someone else. I am no longer one to care at all for someone besides myself.

And that's who I have become. And I'm not afraid of myself, though other people may be of me. I am standing at 5 foot 3 with a hole in my chest carved by my own actions.

I no longer succumb to these emotions that haunt us.