Just The Strings (COMPLETED)

Kabanata 48

#JustTheStrings

Kabanata 48

Maybe I wasn't that good as an actress... I didn't aspire for it, anyway. Pero kailangan kong umarte na maayos lang ako ngayon. Ang hirap naman kasi. Paano ako magiging maayos kung iyong tao na kailangan kong iwasan, kasama ko sa iisang bahay? Pakiramdam ko ay pinaparusahan na ako sa lahat ng kasalanan ko. And it's not like I could ask Parker to leave... I couldn't do that to him. He needed us the most... maybe not me, but my family. He needed someone during trying times like this.

"You okay?" Papa asked.

I smiled and nodded. And then shook my head. I didn't like lying to my father. He's too nice to be lied to.

"Papa..." I trailed. He just looked at me, waiting to listen to whatever I had to say. Papa always made me feel at ease. "I talked to Parker the other day," I confessed. Naka-tingin lang sa akin si Papa. "He asked me to stay away from him."

Sumisikip na naman iyong dibdib ko tuwing naaalala ko iyong mga nangyari.

"And I lied to Saint. And I feel so guilty that I can't even face him..."

Dalawang araw ko ng hindi nakikita si Saint. Sobrang mabigat pa rin iyong loob ko dahil sa pagpatay ko ng tawag niya. He didn't deserve that, and I didn't know why I did that... It's just that night, I knew I had to talk to Parker. He was my priority that night. At sobrang nakokonsensya ako dahil doon. I didn't know how to face him after what I did.

"Ano'ng gagawin ko, Papa? I don't want to hurt anyone."

"It's impossible not to hurt anyone," he replied.

"But I don't want to hurt them. I don't want to hurt Saint. I don't want to hurt Parker," I admitted.

Papa smiled and said, "But with what you're doing, you're just hurting them both."

Nangilid na iyong luha ko.

"Ano'ng gagawin ko?"

"Talk to Saint and be honest with him. And with Parker, leave him alone if that's what he wants. He needs to work on himself. Kahit ikaw, hindi mo siya matutulungan. Just let him be."

Sinubukan kong sundin iyong sinabi ni Papa. Kinabukasan, hinanda ko na iyong sarili ko na kausapin si Saint. This was long overdue. Mas lalo kong iniiwasan na pag-usapan namin si Parker, mas lalo lang lumalala. Papa's right. It's inevitable that I'd hurt someone... might as well it be me.

Bumaba ako para kumain ng breakfast. I figured I needed all the energy I could get. I had a lot of things I needed to explain to Saint. Na kung bakit ko siya hindi kinausap ng ilang araw, at ipapaliwanag kung bakit hindi ko sinagot iyong tawag niya. I needed to straighten a lot of things up.

"Parker, I heard that the dean's willing to make adjustments if you want to pursue law."

"I don't know, Tita. I'll think about it."

"Okay... but when you're ready, just tell me, okay? You're like a son to me already."

I saw Parker smile. For the first time since his mom died.

"How's the support group?" Mama asked.

"It's... fine."

"It'll help you," Mama said. "I miss your mom, too. But she's in a much better place right now... kasama niya na ang Tito mo."

Gusto kong umalis. Ayokong marinig ang pinag-uusapan nila. I didn't want to be even curious about him.  

"I know. Thank you, Tita... Sobrang kamukha ko siguro si Tito Parker, no?"