-Hermione-
Heavily panting I lay there, staring at the ceiling above my head. It wasn´t a ceiling to be precise, it was the underside of a bunk bed but how did that matter? Quietly I lay there, as quiet as I could be at least, listening carefully to the noises outside the tent. There was the wind, rustling in the branches, or was it a whisper? It could have been someone approaching us, whispering about a plan to attack!
There is no one whispering. It is just the wind.
I had to remind myself to calm my heart that´s beat had quickened from 1 to 100 in less than a second. Everything around me was dark besides the light flicker of fire that barely shone through the tent. Harry was sitting outside to watch for attackers, but surely no one would attack us, let alone find us.
Are you sure?
My inner voice mocked, knowing my reaction to that comment just too well. Shaking I lay in my bed, my mouth dry of breathing with an opened mouth, my eyes heavy of loss of sleep. Nervously I tossed and turned in my bed, unable to lay still. The wand in my hand gave me comfort to keep rather quiet but not enough to block out my inner voice that constantly liked to remind me of the cruelty we were running from. No wand could help me there. I was a Gryffindor, I was meant to be courageous but in that very moment all I could think about was counting the minutes until someone would snatch us.
Don´t worry sweetheart, it won´t take long from now.
My cruel inner voice said smirking. Yes my voice could smirk, in fact it had its own personality, otherwise it wouldn´t torture me the way it did. With the end of my sleeve I wiped off a hot tear that tried to escape my eye. I tried to calm myself down so I listened to the silence that surrounded me. It was only broken by the quiet sound of Ron´s snoring what made me relax at least a bit. It gave me the memory of all the time I had spent at the Burrow, how happy everyone had been. The Burrow had always been like home to me, just like Hogwarts had. Life was easy back then, untroubled. But then reality set in and now look where it brought us. Nervously shaking I tossed around in my bed again, making it shriek under my weight. Pressing my eyes together I waited for any sound but all that I heard was silence. Pew, lucky me.
Yea totally my dear, you´re the luckiest girl on earth.
My inner voice snorted, giving me more of a feeling that I was being irrational again. I knew it was right but I shook it off. At least I tried. It wasn´t exactly easy to do so as I was still trying to figure out who owned that very voice. For all I knew it wasn´t mine. The way it called me names like sweetheart and dear let me stiffen or shiver. Mostly it sounded like it wanted to sweet talk me, sometimes even seducing.
Admit it love, you like it this way.
Chills ran down my spine as those words sounded in my head. I gulped loudly to hold back the urge to suck in a sharp breath. I hated this voice. It did terrible things to me, addressed me in situations most inappropriate. But what I hated the most was the effect this voice appeared to have on me. Sometimes it let me quiver in fear but sometimes in a silent moment it took me by complete surprise and sent goosebumps all over my body. It was in moments like this that I had to admit I felt attracted to the voice inside of my head. That´s what made me most afraid of it. This one voice had complete control over me, my thoughts, my movements. It knew my deepest feelings, wishes, desires. That´s what made it so strong, it knew all about me, however I knew nothing about it in return. This voice was dangerous and I knew it, it had the power over me. Slightly panicking I turned around in my bed again and once again the bed shrieked silently. Luckily it was followed by silence.
But hey, isn´t silence even more maddening!?
I tried to shut off everything. My voice, my way too quick heartbeat and the pain that my heart cursed as it heavily pounded against my chest. I shut my eyes closed in eager to fall asleep and to escape this maddening world for a while. But once I closed my eyes, images started flooding into my mind. Images I´ve been trying to banish, to hide, to wipe off, to erase, to kill off. Images that never left, no matter what I did. It was like with the hare and the hedgehog: Once I closed my eyes those images were already there. Once I opened them again the cruel world of madness embraced me like an old friend. Suddenly the sound of rustling leaves tore me away from my thoughts, making a shriek escape my lips.
“Bloody hell Granger, will you fucking be quiet already!?”
