Somewhere in Neverland (Lashton)

Ch. 6: My Mind is Blind to Everyone But You

"So I'll remain within your aim,

until my thoughts can travel somewhere new

My mind is blind to everything but you

And I wonder if you wonder about me, too"

- Lauren Aquilina (Wonder)

It felt weird for Luke to go to homecoming dateless, this would be his first time in his four years of high school that he went without one. Michael didn't have a date either but Michael never really ever dated girls, he just slept with them. He and Michael stood by the punch bowl as they watched sweaty teenagers grind on each other. And usually Luke would be in that crowd but he didn't feel like it tonight. Calum was dancing with Michelle and he was happy for them. A slow song came on and Luke wanted nothing more than to dance with Ashton. He remembered how he and Ashton slowed danced in the tree house on their first date and how amazing and safe it felt to be in his arms, how nothing in the world compared to the warmth they made him feel. His eyes landed on Katie and Ashton. They were dancing closely and if he hadn't known better himself he would of thought they were in love. He could tell by the way that Katie looked at Ashton that she loved him, the look she gave him was much too similar to Luke's. And for the first time since the two boys started being whatever they are now, he felt guilty. Katie was a good person, she didn't deserve to get cheated on and lied to but what other choice did they have? Luke felt this rage in his chest as he watched them dance, how Ashton's arms wrapped around her waist. This pain, this burning pain was something he had never in his seventeen years of life felt before and he didn't like it. It hurt, a lot. It felt like his chest was on fire and nothing would ever be okay in the world again. He was jealous. He wanted to be the one dancing with Ashton and he couldn't stand the thought of them not being together. Tears were welling up in his eyes, it was very rare when the boy cried. He had only cried twice in his life.

"Luke, are you okay?" Michael asked him but he didn't answer. He couldn't. He envied how the couple could be together without others questioning them. He envied how the younger students idolized their relationship. He envied how every girl looked at them in awe and every guy in 'I wish that was me'. He envied how close they were. He envied how perfectly their bodies fit together like puzzle pieces. He envied the way Katie looked at Ashton. He envied how well they looked together. He envied how much she loved Ashton.

He couldn't watch this anymore, it was like having your heart ripped from your chest. He went as fast as he could out the back door. Memories of him and Ashton kept on replaying in his mind. He realized then how fond he was of the boy, how he probably would die without his touch, how he thought about him endlessly, how he hated when he was with others, how jealous he got, how he felt like he could stay in Ashton's arms forever, how much he admired him, how much he loved looking at him, he could never get tired of looking at him, how he felt like he was home and safe and complete in his arms, how he wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of his life by his side, how he wouldn't mind being his boyfriend, how he could very easily fall in love with the boy, in fact he was already starting to. He hadn't noticed the sound of the back door opening nor the footsteps nor the fact that Ashton was standing right beside him.

"Are you okay?" Ashton asked him. Luke looked up and noticed his presence.

"Its not right," Luke whispered so softly he thought no one would hear it.

"What isn't right?"

"Ashton, she loves you and trusts you. Its wrong what we're doing. She doesn't deserve this, she deserves the truth." Ashton looked at him incredulous.

"What do you want me to do? Tell her that I've been having sex with my best friend that just so happens to be a guy?" he yelled his voice more harsh than he was meaning it to be.

"What even are we, Ashton?" Luke asked in the most sad and broken and quietest voice in the world.

"Fuck, Luke. I don't know what we are but I do know that when I'm with you I get this feeling in my stomach and that I can never stop thinking about you and how much I enjoy being in your arms and that it weren't for all of them, I would without a doubt ask you to be my boyfriend." He paused before going on. "I can't Luke because if they found out about us, we'd never hear the end of it, we would lose our friends and they would look at us differently. And I wouldn't be able to handle that because I care too fuckin' much about what others think about me. But at the same time I want to slow dance with you at prom or homecoming and kiss you in the hallways at school and hold your hand nonstop and not be afraid of them. But I can't, that's not me. I will always fear others judgement of me." Luke was speechless, Ashton looked so vulnerable and lost in that moment. He wanted to hug him and tell him to not care what others think of him but at the same time he wanted to slap him and yell at him that it should matter more about what he feels for him. But he was scared too, he too was afraid of the judgement. Luke kissed his lips, a short and simple kiss. But there were so many sparks when their lips met that it didn't affect them any less than a longer one.

"How about we be each other's super secret boyfriends," Luke whispered in his ear. Ashton smiled wide, he couldn't of asked for anything more.

"I would love that."