Somewhere in Neverland (Lashton)

Ch. 18: Please Understand If I See You Again Don't Even Say Hellp

"Oh can you tell, I haven't slept very well

Since the last time that we spoke, you said

"Please understand if I see you again don't even say hello."

Please

What a night it is, when you live like this

And you're coming up beneath the clouds,

Don't let me down

All the love's still there I just don't know what to do with it now

You know, I still can't believe we both did some things

I don't even wanna think about

Just say you love me and I'll say "I'm sorry,

I don't want anybody else to feel this way"

Mayday Parade (Stay)

When Ashton arrived home from school on monday, his dad was on the phone. He sounded confused and maybe even a little annoyed. He was using the house phone which was normally never used.

"There's no way he would do that!" he shouted before he hung up and slammed the phone down on the counter. Ashton felt very small as he just watched his dad from afar. His dad wore a look that Ashton couldn't quite comprehend. His dad looked up, noticing his son.

"Hey dad, who was that?" Ashton asked as he walked over to the island. His dad sighed as he locked eyes with his son.

"Calum just called me and he told me this crazy thing. I don't know why he would lie about something like this. He sounded serious though, but there's no way its true." Ashton knew exactly what he was talking about.

"Ashton, sorry I have to ask you this but are you g-?" he trailed off, like he couldn't even imagine the thought of his son being gay.

"Dad," Ashton started as he took a seat and sent his dad a serious glance.

"There's something I need to tell you."

"Okay, what is it, son?"

"I-I'm gay, dad," he told him as tears poured from his eyes. His dad stared at him incredulous, like there was no way in the world his son was gay.

"W-what?"

"I'm gay, dad. I like guys." Silence filled the room as his dad looked to him in an unreadable expression.

"You can't be gay, there's no way you're.." his dad trailed off.

"But I am dad, I'm gay and I'm in love with Luke." His dad looked him straight in the eye seeing that his son was dead serious.

"Do you know what you are saying right now?" He had a skeptical expression on his face.

"Yes I do. I love Luke, dad," he said without even blinking.

"If you're gay then your whole football career will be over, no college will accept you." Ashton stared at his dad dumbfounded.

"I just told you I'm gay and all you're thinking about is my football career?" Ashton raised his voice at his dad.

"Yes, I am because if you're gay you won't have a football career!" his dad shouted.

"But that's the thing, dad. I never wanted to have a football career. I don't want to play college football and play in the World Cup. I don't want any of that."

"Yes, you do son. You've always wanted that."

"No, I never did, you did. All my life you have pushed your dreams onto me, living them through me. Your dreams are not mine! I don't fucking care about football, I never have," he screamed. He was now standing up, only inches from his dad.

"Then what do you want to be? A fashion designer?" his dad yelled in a voice of mockery.

"No, dad. I want to be a drummer."

"Good luck with that. No one will want to be in a band with a faggot," his dad said without a second thought. It felt like a slap in the face, his own dad had just called him a faggot. Tears were threatening to escape his eyes.

"Fuck you, dad. Fuck you!" he shouted as tears sprang from his eyes. His dad just stared at him like he was a stranger. Ashton turned around abruptly and ran to his room. He slammed the door behind him once he was in his room. He sobbed, letting loud cries shake his entire body as he leaned against the door. And in an instant, the bond that had been so strong between him and his father was broken.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was late monday night when there was a knock at Luke's door. He wasn't expecting anyone over so he was surprised. His brothers looked to him, they were in the middle of watching Austrian Idol. Luke got up and went to the door, opening it. He was surprised to see Ashton standing there with tear stricken eyes, and disheveled hair. Luke went to open his mouth but before he could speak, Ashton launched into the boy's arms, hugging him like his life depended on it. Sobs shook his entire body. It broke Luke's heart to see him this way. He pulled the boy as humanly close to him as possible. His brothers watched from the other room stunned. They held onto each other like one held onto oxygen or a fish to water. They pulled back and just stared at each other.

"Come in, Ash," Luke said managing to pull a smile on his face. Ashton stepped inside the house, looking over to the muted TV and Luke's two brothers.

"Hey, Ash," both of his brothers said. Ashton waved but he couldn't form words. It felt like his mouth was full of salt water.

"Let's go to my room, Ash," Luke suggested. The boy nodded and let Luke connect their hands to lead him up the stairs. Ashton didn't say a word when they entered the room. He looked like broken glass, so fragile. Like just saying a single word would break him into pieces. Luke lead him over to his bed and they both sat down, facing each other.

"You wanna tell me about it?" he asked as he wiped away Ashton's tears with his thumb.

"Cal-Calum called my dad. He knows about you and I," Ashton told him sounding like salt on wounds. Luke stared at him blankly, trying to comprehend all that was happening.

"H-how did he react?" Luke asked, but he already knew his dad must not of taken it well if Ashton was here broken in two.

"The first thing he said when I told him was about football and how being gay would ruin my football career, like that was all he cared about." Ashton gathered himself before going on.

"I told him I didn't want to be a football player anyway. You should've seen the look on his face when I told him I was gay. It was like he was staring at a monster. He couldn't even look me in the eye. He hates me, Luke. He hates me." He fell apart at those last words, tears pouring from his eyes as Luke hugged him, pulling him close. They just sat there in silence, enjoying the comfort and warmth of each other. Neither of them spoke, because there was no right thing to say.

"C-can I stay here tonight?" Ashton asked as they pulled back. Luke just simply nodded his head.

"I love you, Ash," he told the boy as he kissed his forehead. He then pulled the boy down with him into the bed, hugging him to his chest, whispering sweet nothings into his ears. And for a moment, everything was right in the world.