I Thought You Were Different: Part 3

Chances

Are you really not dead?

You hit send and held your breath, waiting for the reply that you feared would never come, and that what Bucky had told you was a mistake. It was hard to not get your hopes up that Bucky was telling the truth, but you had tried to control it so that if the response to your text never came, you wouldn't be quite so thoroughly destroyed as you were the first time you lost him.

I'm really not dead, baby.

Your body shook with the force of your exhalation and sudden overwhelming sense of relief at even just that simple sentence. You must have read it a thousand times over and over before replying, just to cement it in your mind that it was really there. Tony was alive, as if by some miracle, and now your need to come out of hiding and see him was taking over your senses.

I'm so sorry, Dad. I know it wasn't me, but I did it, and I'm so sorry.

Stop. Stop apologizing and just come home.

I want to.

But?

"But what?" you muttered quietly, making yourself answer the question with something that you had yet to really face; something that had been consuming your mind since Bucky left. There was only one reason why you hadn't gone home already, and you knew that he already knew what your answer would be.

Dad, you know. How am I supposed to forgive him? He handed me to Hydra.

You don't have to. Not right now. Just come home and we'll figure it out.

You stared at the words on the screen, each second ticking by like a hammer pounding against your skull as you read the line over and over and knew that Tony was anxiously waiting on the other end. You had no idea what to say; you wanted nothing more than to give him the answer that he needed to get from you, owing him everything for what you had just put him through.

But this was beyond Tony, beyond the team, even beyond your own children now. Steve had betrayed you, and it wasn't something that you could just wave off as a simple mistake. The aftereffects of his actions had eviscerated you and created wounds that may never heal.

You had no idea how much time had passed before your mind came back to the current moment, when the urgent ringing from the phone in your hand made you jump back and nearly spill over on your chair from the shock that cut through the silence around you. Even though you had asked Bucky to tell him not to call, he had waited too long for your reply and he took the chance; you didn't have the heart to decline him, opening the call and hugging the phone to your ear just to try to get a little closer to him somehow.

"Dad?"

His answer wasn't immediate, but only a heartbreaking whimper in a quiet cry that you could tell he was trying to hide from you. His breathing was constricted and a few sniffles escaped, and even though he had to have known that you heard him, he tried to maintain some stoicism.

"Dad, you don't have to act strong for me. I'm a grown-up now. I'll just cry with you and we'll both sound like sniveling snot monsters."

"Such an eloquence about you."

"I do what I can."

On the other end of the line, even though you could hear Tony's emotions getting the best of him, what you didn't know was what you couldn't see. When Bucky wouldn't give away your location, your dad took it upon himself to find you with FRIDAY working as fast as she could before you hung up.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly. "I mean, I know that you're not for the obvious stuff, but like...normal stuff. Are you sleeping? Do you eat?"