I Thought You Were Different: Part 3

Misery

"Why did you join this war, Sergeant Barnes?" Sam barked out, trying to jolt Bucky out of the trap he had fallen into within his own psyche. He took the chance that if he played along with whatever Bucky was seeing, maybe something inside his friend's mind would at least let him follow orders and move. "Hey, I'm talking to you!"

"Sir, yes, sir," he replied as best as he could, even though he was still cowering away. "I joined the Army to fight for freedom and for my country, sir."

Sam closed his eyes at the pain the sound of Bucky's voice was causing him, doing his best to continue playing the role and keep him focused on talking to him, hoping that at any moment, something would snap his friend out of it. "Barnes, listen to me," he began again, "we've got an enemy incursion moving in, and if we don't get the hell outta here, we're done for. Move it, Sergeant!"

"Sir," he agreed, finally pushing himself up to standing and releasing the tight hold he had over his ears to drown out the sound of battle outside. "I have to fight," Bucky nodded, steeling his confidence, "I have to win this for Steve."

"What was that?"

"Nothing, sir. Sorry, sir."

"No, repeat it now, Barnes."

"Sir," he replied, "I have to win this war for...Steve. He wants to join the Army more than anything, but it's gonna get the idiot killed. I have to win before he can get in."

Sam felt his heart drop into his stomach like a lead balloon, trying and failing miserably to cover the haze of moisture building in the rims of his eyelids. He sniffled quietly and turned his head away in embarrassment, whispering to himself as he looked out the window in the hopes that he'd see Steve at any moment, "snap out of it, Buck. Come on, man."

"Sam," came the only voice he wanted to hear over his comm, "where are you? I'm on the ground and we've got an all-clear here."

"We're not clear here, Cap. We are very not clear. I lost Buck somewhere in the 40's, if you get me."

"Alright, coming to ya."

Sam turned back to Bucky, hoping that he had heard Steve too; hoping that the sound of his best friend had worked to release him from the flashback that was gripping him. When he looked back, Bucky was turned away, his hands pressed up against the wall and his head hanging low in front of him; his back was arched and shaking, and Sam could hear the quietest whimper beneath the continued sounds of battle outside. "Barnes? You with me?"

"Sam," came the choked and muffled reply, "what happened?"

"You left me for a minute," he answered cautiously, taking a few steps closer until he could rest a hand on Bucky's shoulder. "Are you back with me, pal?"

"Sir, yes, sir."

"Yeah, cut the shit," Sam finally laughed when Bucky turned to him with a crooked grin, "it got your attention, didn't it?"

"You'll never hear me call you that again, Wilson, so I'm gonna give you a minute to reminisce and enjoy the moment. Go ahead, I'll wait."

"Shut the hell up. Cap's on the way and we still have a fight on the other side of that door." Sam flipped the guns out from his suit and moved to stand next to it, pulling his goggles down with a huff. "I said, you with me?"

Bucky pulled a gun from his boot and another from the holder between his shoulders, taking his place next to Sam and ready to attack. He looked at his teammate and for the first time, even after every battle they had been in, Bucky felt like he had complete faith in the fact that the man would fight until he had nothing left to protect him, and he would gladly do the same. "End of the line, Sam."