Too Young

Lost

I've been up since 6 am yesterday. I havnt felt the same since I got raped last night. I cant sleep or eat. I cant even take the fact that my mom let it happen. It makes me sick.

Im in the shower, door LOCKED. Im sitting in the tub while the water beats down on me and blood runs down the drain. I am soo sore. I crawled to the bathroom only i guess it was too slowly cause my mom and John walked out. He hit my mom so hard in the face i swear i felt it too. He whispered in her ear and she yanked me up by my hair and fought me. John yelled for her to get off and to get me ready.

"get on yours knees baby open your mouth" she told me slowly. I knew what was going to happen. she slowly smoothed hair from out of my face. "open wide. dont hurt him." John had the tip of his dick, rubbing it all over my neck. I started crying and my mom smacked me. The shit out of me. I stopped and he put it in my mouth. My mom taught me how to give head to my dead fathers bestfriend.

Just remembering it i jumped out and brushed my teeth and using half a bottle of listerine. I ran awkwardly to my room and dried off and put on some sweatpants and a sweatshirt.

my phone started ringing. it was Andrew.

me: what

andrew: woah, shortys crazy.

me: SHUT THE FUCK UP IM NOT IN THE MOOD. ASK ONE OF YOUR HOES WHY IM NOT IN THE MOOD

Andrew: THE FUCK YOU TALKING ABOUT? HOES? YOU JUST MET ME HOW YOU ASSUMING I HAVE HOES?

me: john told me he sees them coming and going.

Andrew: fuck him hes lying cause he probably wants you to himself.

I sat there quietly. He had me too himself.

Andrew:... oh no. Alex has he touched you in anyway?

Me:... um last night... we go into an argument thats all. Its nothing i promise.

Andrew: i do have hoes. Girls do want me but i dont disrespect them or use multiple girls at a time. They disrespect their self if anything.

Me: yeah i understand. Thanks for being honest.

Andrew: yeah... come meet my sister

Me: okay!!

i got dressed slowly and slipped out my window and climbed down quietly. Didnt want to wake anybody. I walked next door and knocked and the most prettiest girl opened the door. She had long hair to the middle of her back. It was soo straight i could tell it was naturally straight. She had brown eyes to match her brown skinn.

Girl: HI! Im Natalie. Drews sister!

Me: Hey boo. Im Alex, well Alexandra. Drew's i guess friend?

She laughed and pulled me in for a hug. Andrew's goofy self joined in. I finally met my bestfriends.

*3 years later*

Im now a Sophmore. My bestfriends are still till this day Natalie and Andrew. A lot has changed and i mean alot.

I got my period when i was 14. John kept raping me but... when i turned 16 i stopped screaming and crying, it actually felt good. I started being the one on top kissing him instead of the other way around. I walked in on him one day when i was 15, he was naked getting out the shower. I seen his dick and my mouth actually watered and i dropped to my knees and gave him the best head ever. The sad thing is, he only messes with me when hes not completely drunk. He wont look at me sober. Hes ashamed i feel. But a few sips he has me on his lap, 1 beer and a half later and we are all over eachother. I feel like i was taught to love in a bad way. This dont feel right but what else am i supposed to do? I dont know how to get serious with a guy and i dont know if i ever want to.

All i know is, its my 16th birthday!! 2 more years till i can open that letter my dad gave me.

My mom is hellla mad that John is all over me now. She said its different when I didnt want it. Now that I do im just a slut. Whatever. Shes mad cause she gets nooo type of play. John walked in my room as i was thinking about my life over the past 3 years. Some days me accepting John and having sex seemed so fucked up i actually tried to kill myself over it one day. But somedays i actually feel loved by a man since my dad died. and it feels soo good.

John: hey baby.

Me smiling: hey.

John: its your birthday! happy birthday. here is some money go buy you something.

awe thanks!

We um... fucked and i left with Natalie and went to buy me an outfit. Natalie and Andrew was throwing me a sweet 16 at their crib. The next day im going to get my permit. Besides Joh., life was good. I had a lot of friends and no type of drama.

Natalie: have yall fucked again?

me: um today...

Natalie: YASS. omg i think thats soo fire girl.

oh natalie is my friend but shes a bit of a hoe. she knows about John.

Yeah um im ending all of that today.

Natalie: whyyyyy?! That was some 50 Shades of Grey shit.

WE WAS NO WHERE NEAR THAT LEVEL.

i was rolllinggggggg.

Natalie: yeah whatever. you interupting my driving.

Damn all of yall drive at a young age?

Natalie: yup.

If we get pulled over on my birthday i swear!

we was crying at that point.

*few hours later*

i was in the cutest dress and so was Natalie. We got dressed at my house and waited for alot of people to arive before we crossed over.

HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYYYY!!!!!

i blushed soo hard.

Me: thank you guys! TURN UP TURN UP TURN UP!

i was throwing shots back like it was nothing. I was dancing on any and everybody. A guy got me up to Natalie's room and started rubbing on me. He was one of Andrews friends and i felt kind of bad. I had a slight crush on my bestfriend.

mm Domo dont stop.

Domo: i wont baby.

I was so drunk, i let another person besides John touch me. I was shocked.

We ended up having sex. It felt... right. not like when i was with John. It feels like i could actually be with Domo. and we are doing teen things.

Thats when i felt lost. I decided i wanted to be a teen, a child. Not what John made me into. A heartless bitch.