S(he) // j.d.+t.j.

Her

Josh hasn't dyed his hair yet in this so
Thank u 4 reading
Also ***TW***for mild child abuse later when you see the ☆
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Her.

She.

That's all I am.

A girl.

There's nothing wrong with girls.

Just I don't like being a girl.

I don't like being the short girl who has a 'curvy' body. I despise my body.
I want a sharper jawline, broad shoulders, flat chest, I want to be tall.
I want to feel confident with myself.
Sure, I still like feminine things.
Makeup and "girly" scents like floral perfume.

But it feels like I'm being kicked in the stomach whenever someone calls me "her." Or "This is Taylor," or when I'm wearing a dress.

I just want to be Tyler.

︎︎☁︎ ☁︎︎ ☁︎

"Taylor, get up. It's a quarter til' eight."

My eyes flutter open as my mom calls me.
I blink twice, trying to gain my focus before stretching and screeching out a yawn. It's the beginning of the week and nobody likes waking up early to go to school.

I sigh heavily before rolling off the bed, grabbing my replacing my shorts with black jeans, slipping on my hoodie.

I eat breakfast before brushing my teeth and finger-combing my shoulder length hair.
"Taylor I have to pee get out of there!" I hear Jay squeal.
I roll my eyes and open the door, walking past him to go get my book bag out of my room.
I throw it on to my back before walking out.

"Time to leave, now. Go ahead and get in the car."
I nod to my mom, shoving my floral vans on and heading out the door.

☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎

"Hey, Taylor."
I look over to my friend Jenna, who's sitting right next to me in her white knee-length dress with brown boots, her blonde hair pulled up in a bun.
"Hey Jenna."
I pull my notebook and pencil from my bag, setting it down and turning to a certain page that was marked.
'1st block'

"How was your weekend?"
I shrug, sighing as I sketch, adding more to the portrait of the curly-headed boy talking with his friends in front of my desk.
"It was okay, same as usual. We had to help out with the church potluck."
She nods, "Well that's good, I loved you playing the piano there. It was pretty."
I smile softly and thanked her before turning my gaze back to my drawing.

I look at Josh, scanning his facial features.
Dark curly hair, caramel eyes, squinty smile.
I sketch some more until I feel someone tap my shoulder.
"Whatcha drawing?"
I turn to meet Brendon, who's leaning over his desk to look over my shoulder.
I quickly cover the picture, knowing that he'll probably recognize Josh and then blurt it out.
"N-Nothing."
"Taylor, I just wanna see!"
"No."
He reaches for my notebook, trying to grab it. I hold it close to my chest, biting my lip as I try to keep it safe.
"Leave her alone Brendon."
I hear the familiar voice,
I look up and see Josh, who's leaning on his desk.
"That's her notebook, not yours."
Brendon gets up and rolls his eyes, walking over to sit back to his assigned desk.
"You good?"
I look up to him, still clutching onto my notebook.
"Thank you.."
He nods flashes a smile before sitting down in his seat.