the edge

2.

delilah

i spent the week after the encounter with branson reliving everything that happened when i first came to this place. i was spiraling back into the dark place i had finally started to come out of and i hated it. i felt like i had no control over my thoughts and it terrified me. we had group therapy today and i knew she was going to ask me to speak about my 'slip up.'

"delilah, i heard you had a slip up. do you wanna tell everyone what happened and how you feel right now?"

"i hurt myself again. i feel like sh.it but that's nothing new."

"does anybody have any words of encouragement for her?"

it was so quiet you could hear a pin drop, until she decided to move on to the next person. she glanced at branson and he cleared his throat before speaking.

"my mom told me she wanted nothing to do with me after i tried again. i just don't understand why she won't just let me die, she doesn't want me here anyways and i have no other family or friends." the look on his face put a lump in my throat. he was exactly like garrett. i couldn't handle being here and seeing him. i stood as quietly as i could and successfully snuck off to the bathroom. i only needed a minute and i'd be fine again. just as i pulled the blade from where i'd hidden it under the sink i heard a knock on the door.

"delilah, is everything okay?"

"yeah," my voice cracked and i knew he definitely wouldn't leave now.

"please don't hurt yourself. i know i don't know you or why you're upset but please don't."

"so you can attempt suicide multiple times but i can't hurt myself? that doesn't make any sense."

"i don't care about myself and i don't have anyone who cares about me, i just don't see the point in living life alone. i'm going to assume that you have friends or family who care, i saw your mom drop you off, heard her say she loves you. she cares. you might not but she does and maybe you should care enough about her to care about yourself."

i didn't reply for a few minutes and when i did i wasn't even sure he'd be outside the door still, "i'm sorry."

"you don't have to apologize unless you actually mean it. i'm gonna go now, i hope what i said had some kind of positive impact on you. if it didn't, well it honestly wouldn't be anything new. i'm used to talking to people who aren't listening," i heard him walking away and i had the urge to follow him.

i stayed in the small bathroom until mrs. lee called us for dinner. it was friday which meant they would order pizza, not that i was in the mood for anything right now anyways. all i wanted to do was go home and pretend that i was normal. garrett and i used to do that when we were stuck here on the weekends. we would come up with fake names and ages and we'd create an entire life story for ourselves. he was always the best story teller, i told him thousands of times that he'd make a good author but he never listened.

after dinner, we usually had two options; watch a movie together in the main room or go to our rooms and go to bed. usually i would watch the movie, mainly because they were always disney movies and i love disney movies with a passion, but tonight i decided i couldn't sit here with everyone and act like everything was okay when it wasn't. i was also avidly avoiding branson and i didn't think i could sit through an entire movie with him near me.