Again

31.

I laid awake holding my daughter in her bed. After she had showered I checked her body for any sign of damage to see that she had stitches on her hip. She had gotten it when she cut to deep. The lady that she staid with had been a nurse at one point and stitched her up. I was just greatful she took care of my baby. I unpacked her things finally. We cried together on her bed. The boys will want to see her tomorrow. But I held her all night.
I never thought that my child would push me so far away that they would run away. I did have part in the pushing but I also tried to pull.
I couldn't help but feel that I was failing as a parent.
I woke up the next mourning at the time I did to go to work.
"Mom." I looked over to see Emilee starring at me.
"I'm not going to work today I'm spending the day with my daughter." She smiled wearily.
"I'm hungry." She whispered. I smiled and pulled her into a hug.
We walked into the kitchen to see the boys getting ready for school. Fred was eating cereal. They all stopped and looked at her. Jack was the first to run over and pick her up in a big hug. All three boys cried and hugged her tight. I didn't see her face but I knew she was crying too. When the boys pulled away Fred walked to her and hugged her and kissed the top of her head. Even Lola was wanting attention from her.
"I love you Emilee." He whispered. After he pulled back he said,"What would you like to eat?"
"I don't care I'm just hungry."
The boys left for school and Fred had to go to work in town.
"How did you get across the boarder without your passport?" I asked washing the dishes.
"Agnes helped with that." I finished the dishes and sat in front of her.
"Emilee I want you to remember that I do love you. Even in your darkest moments. I will always be here for you no matter what you do. You are the light of my life and if I loose you again I don't know what I will do but I just can't loose you." I wiped my tears.
"However vast the darkness we must be our own lights." She whispered. I got up and walked to the closet and pulled out a box.
I placed it on the table.
"These are for you." She looked at the box before standing up and walking to the knives and taking a steak knife. I did worry about her with it but I knew she wouldn't do anything besides open the box.
She cut the tape sliding the blade between the cardboard releasing it from its shape.
She pulled out a stack of letters.
They were from the family, cast, friends, and fans of mine. I watched as she read most of them. She cried and it broke my heart.
She handed me a letter that she read.
Dear Emilee,
Nothing is to great that you can't over come. We don't know what you have been through mentally. But what We've seen on the News is pretty big.
Don't give up hope on a Happy Ending. But we guess that's the fun with Happy Endings. You never really have it. It's not a destination but a state of mind. And when we think we have it, it  has a way of wiggling free.
If we all had a Happy Ending the world would be pretty bland.
It's ok to cry, it's ok to have feelings. What is not ok is letting your feelings bottle up till you snap and all hell breaks loose. We all have tough days.
And when you think nobody knows what your going through, your wrong.  Some one has gone through what you are going through. Their circumstances may have been greater or worse than your own. And just because some one has money and looks like they have their life together doesn't mean that they don't put on a fake smile everyday because there dark place rules.
Don't hang in there. Stand up and take the world by the neck first.
Sincerely,
       Mr. John & Mrs. Kaden Adams