So I'm actually feeling okay today. I'm pretty sure that it's because of the antidepressant that I took. Which I know it's bad, but I don't take them on a regular basis especially since recently when I took an off brand but was prescribed by the doctor and stuff. Anyway I took it and it made me act really weird. I threw up because I had that much anxiety and thank goodness my mom already let me stay home from school that day. I think my anxiety is getting worse. I mean I was never diagnosed with it because I didn't think I had it. Since my mom, my sister, and my oldest brother have it. And they can have anxiety attacks and everyone that I've met that has anxiety get anxiety attacks. And I've never had a real break down I don't think? Where I've cried in the middle of class or tried to avoid any social interaction whatsoever. But I mean I don't know, after something tramatic has happened I've cried. But I think it was more because I was scared and it was tramatic, I don't know because I mean I was nervous and anxious. Which I think is almost the same thing? I'm probably wrong. Like right now I am anxious and I don't know why. I'm worried about my mom coming home and if she'd ask to look through my laptop because anyone that has known me or my account long enough knows that I am not allowed to have Wattpad or talk to people I don't know. Which is why I still don't have a phone. That and because of other things. but the most recent one was a stupid reason that she gave. Well I guess that in my family it's not all that stupid, but I told her she would be allowed to have full access to the phone anyway. She said that she'd have to have full access anyway. What am I going to do, say no? -.-
But yeah I'm worried about that, I'm worried about my friends. I'm tired all the time even though I woke up at 11 something. Well I woke up at 8 something, my mom woke me up and right off the bat she's talking about something that had happened last night with her and my sister. Now I understand why my second oldest brother wants to stay out of everything. At first for forever, I thought that he was just siding with my dad and that he was the favorite child of my dad. Which still applies about favoritism, but now I understand why he runs to his fiance's house. Or has her over all the time. Well I mean they hang out of course but like when things get tough or fighting is involved I see why he runs. It's because he can't take the stress and emotional stuff and the "whose side are you on?" And the swaying of sides. Either that or he just doesn't want to deal with it and doesn't care. Idk.
But yeah, I cried today, and fell back asleep then my mom woke me up again at 11 something and she was suspicious. I mean I don't know why actually because my computer was away. And I actually wasn't hiding anything electronically anyway. So yeah, I don't know why if she thinks I have a phone or something. I haven't had a phone since last school year. I actually want a phone. Yeah I'm still breaking the rules by having social media and this and talking to people on the Internet. But I have Skype and stuff. So yeah...I don't know, I'm just jittery maybe? I don't know...there's a lot going on that's confusing and stressful right now; considering family. School doesn't help at all. I'm not exactly doing good in my classes, there's a lot more homework and with the family drama it's hard to focus. Also I'm always tired. I don't exactly know what I was going for in this update. 0.o Uhm yeah, the comment that Hannah (Or Hanna) and suicidal_and_mental made on my Letters To Zeke... book helped me. Thank you :) HarleyQuinnMLG Sorry I just remembered what your username was. >.<
