I feel so alone. I don't know what to do. I probably annoy everybody I talk to. That's why nobody talks to me. I crave attention, but I'm not like those girls that complain about their drama. I'm not even in any drama. Ever. I crave love. Innocent love. Love that's TRUE. But I don't know how. I can feel myself drowning more and more everyday. Deeper and deeper. It's NOT only the stress of testing. And finals coming up. It's gotten worse ever since a week or so ago? Sunday it was.
I know I'm going to fail the school year and either have to take Summer school or just redo my grade. 😭 But it's MY fault. My dad is right about that. I didn't hand in my work. I didn't do homework. I've been so up and down this year. A lot has been going on, I can't focus. I can't do anything because I have no emotion. But at the same time I'm so emotional. Numb but not numb.
I just want to be in a relationship which makes me sound desperate, but I want a support system. I want to be held. I want to kiss someone and know it's true. Or at least think it is. I want to lie under the stars with them. I want to shout lyrics off tune with them. I want to just tell them everything. What's on my mind. What is wrong with me. And everything in between. But nobody likes me like that.
I'm stuck in the past. I'm Stuck and don't know how to leave. But at the same time I know that I don't want to for some odd reason. I am going crazy and I'm getting worse everyday. And every hour. I want to sleep forever. why can I just be happy single?? Why do I hold it against him when I made the mistake of telling him???? It's NOT his fault! So why am I so hurt over him?? Maybe I want to be sad??? Maybe I just like being sad and don't want to realize it or something.
I don't know what to do though.
