say it back

17 - heartaches

jaebum's chest tightened as he saw the picture of mark kissing youngjae. he felt pain, anger and sadness. he clenched his teeth and tried to not lose his calm. without him knowing, a tear escaped from his eyes.

"are you oka-" namjoon didn't get to finish what he was going to ask when he saw jaebum's phone. "that son of a bitch."

jaebum just sat there. he doesn't want to do anything. it's hard to keep your shit together when your heart is aching.

"i will fucking kill that bastard." namjoon stated.

"don't." jaebum said calmly. "don't tell this to anyone."

"bu-"

"you saw nothing. i saw nothing. everything is alright." jaebum bitterly smiled and deleted the picture. "everything is alright."

namjoon just stood there, he looked at his bestfriend with pain. "jaebum, you don't have to keep it to yourself." he said and sighed. "you don't always have to pretend that everything is fine."

"i'm fine, namjoon. i really am. and if i'm not, it's also fine." the bitterness on jaebum's voice is obvious.

jaebum did his best to act normal today, it was hard. it was hard to smile and hang around with people when your heart is breaking into pieces. he trusts youngjae. he trusts him and he knows that there must be an explanation behind the picture, but he will never bother asking. he doesn't want to know why it happened.

during lunch time, the heartache is not getting better. he entered the cafeteria and saw youngjae laughing with jackson, yugyeom, and mark. he froze for a moment when he saw youngjae. it didn't took namjoon long to notice jaebum. "talk to him and get yourself together."

jaebum walked slowly towards youngjae's direction. youngjae noticed jaebum approaching them and waved at his boyfriend.

"hi." jaebum plainly said. he tried his best to act normal around youngjae but it's hard to act normal especially that he's facing mark. a smirked escape on mark's lips and it only angered jaebum.

"hello sunbae." youngjae responded.

"c-can we talk?" jaebum stuttered. youngjae hummed and smiled at jaebum. the older got up from his seat and youngjae followed him. he lead youngjae at the back building.

"what is it jaebu-" jaebum suddenly hugged youngjae. he hugged youngjae so tight and hoped that maybe, this would make everything alright. "i love you, youngjae."

youngjae froze for a moment. he was taken aback by jaebum's action. his hand is in awkward position and he doesn't know what to do. "is there anything wrong?" youngjae asked and jaebum didn't answered. he just continued to hug youngjae.

"whats wrong?" youngjae asked while being hugged by his boyfriend. "nothing's wrong." jaebum lied. "it's all good. as long as you are here."

youngjae's heart skipped a beat. he noticed the pain in jaebum's voice but he didn't bothered asking anymore question. he just stood there, listening to jaebum's heartbeat.

"i love you youngjae, i love you" he stated again. jaebum waited for a reply but youngjae just hummed. they stayed like that for minutes.

jaebum felt so calm for that moment. he forgot that his heart is aching for a moment. to him, that was enough. as long as he's with youngjae, he's alright.

jaebum doesn't know when did he loved youngjae this much, but he knows that he's never going to let youngjae go. he knows that youngjae will break his heart, and he will break youngjae's too. when you are loving someone you must accept the fact that you will get hurt. you will get hurt, you will get hurt all over again.

there are people in this world that you just love and love no matter what. you love them every single moment, even during heartaches. and to jaebum, that person is youngjae.

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IM SORRY