My body shoots upwards with the force of the fear that grips my heart. Gasping in the warm air around me just to drown out that sound. That scream...It gets me every single night. Haunting me everywhere I go. And I don't know why.
I sigh, dragging my nails through my hair. Huddling my knees close to me, I lean my face against them. It's still there. The little girl still screams in my head...
I don't know who she is. I've never known. All I know is that for as long as I can remember, I've dreamt of her. The same thing over and over again, stuck on replay as I sleep. And every night, her chilling scream wakes me up in a cold sweat.
I catch a glimpse of my alarm clock. 3.am. Fuck. No sleep for me tonight.
Groaning angrily, I throw the covers off of me. I'm really getting tired of this shit. All I want is one decent night sleep. One lousy night. Is that too much to ask?
I need a cigarette.
Throwing on a hoodie that is thrown half across me is easy. It's miles too big for me. Just the way I like it. The tracksuit bottoms don't match either, but fuck it. I don't care. No one will see me. No one ever does.
I hop out of my box, dropping to the ground outside. The wind is cold tonight. It catches my neck as I glance around, making me pull up the hood. As I make my way over to the petrol station, I throw my hand over my shoulder. Clicking the lock button on the fob, I hear Daisy shut herself down. But its not like anyone would try to steal an eighteen tonne lorry. They would either be stupid, or have a death wish.
The door rings as I push it open. Letting everyone in the shop know that I'm here. And by everyone, I mean the guy behind the counter. Shit. Why does it have to be a guy...
I shove my hands in my pockets, huddling into myself as I make my way over. It had to be a guy, didn't it? First no sleep, now this. Just my fucking luck. I can never get a break these days.
“Can I help you?” I hear him ask me. His voice is like razors against my skin. A lump in my throat nearly stops me from talking. But I swallow it down, keeping my eyes away from him.
“I just want cigarettes,” I say coldly.
“Sure. What brand?”
“Doesn't matter.”
“Ten pack? Twenty?”
“I don't care.”
“You're not really giving me much to work with.”
“Just give me some damn cigarettes.”
My heart is racing. I need to focus on my breathing. If I don't, then I could have another panic attack. And I don't do that shit any more.
In, two, three. Out, two, three.
I hear him shuffling around, trying to choose a brand. What the fuck is the problem? Just pick up a box and give it to me.
In, two, three. Out, two, three.
My palms are starting to sweat. Ah, fuck. Calm down, calm down, calm down. I bounce on my heels. It's the next stage in the 'calm the fuck down' routine I have. If this doesn't work, then all hell could break loose.
In, two, three. Out, two...
“That's three eighty.”
Pack of ten. Typical. I slam the money down on the counter, snatching the little box from him before I rush out the door. I hear him call out about the change, but I don't care. If I don't get out of here now, then I'll crack. I don't have time for that.
I lean against Daisy, lighting up one of the little sticks in my hand. As I take a large drag, I feel my anxieties all start to fade. Sweet Jesus, this is what I needed. Exhaling out, I feel my body relax. The roaring of the motorway behind me lulling me into a slow sense of security again.
I've never been able to deal with men. Not for as long as I can remember. Any time I'm around one, I can feel myself falling into a dark hole. Nothing I do will get me out of it. Not until they're gone. And if they don't leave, then I make them leave.
I take another drag, closing my eyes as bright headlights turn around the corner. I'm not used to people turning up at this time of the night. I'm usually all alone. The way I've always been. I'm not sure if I like this intrusion on my downtime.
I can hear their music from here. Jesus Christ, it's those kinds of people. Loud, rowdy idiots that think it's 'cool' to pump the volume up as loud as it can go to try and impress the thousands of people they pass in the street. When actually, all it does is make them look like pricks.
As the door opens, I hear their voices. Male voices. Fuck.
“Hey! Hey, Glen! Watch! Watch this!”
“Dan, stop fucking about!”
“No, seriously! Watch this!”
A loud roar of laughter nearly deafens me. I have to keep my eyes closed as I take the third drag. Calm down, calm down, calm down...
“You're such a fucking idiot. You know that, right?”
“Aww, come on, Mark! Don't be a spoiled sport!”
“I'm not. I'm tired. And hungry.”
“And grumpy...”
“Watch it!”
In, two, three. Out, two three...
“Ah shit, I think I left my lighter at the venue.”
“Oh for fuck sakes, Dan!”
“I'm sorry! It was all rushed and everything....
In, two, three. Bounce. Out, two, three. Bounce...
“You'll just have to get another one.”
“But that's such a waste of money...”
“We aren't going back!”
“I didn't say that...”
“Look, there's someone over there. Just go ask them.”
In, two, three. Bounce. Out, two...
“Hey, love. You got a light?”
Three.
My fist collides with his nose. I feel the bones crunch under my knuckles as it breaks. He had it coming. I've got ninja-quick reflexes. Make me feel threatened, and I will make you pay.
“Jesus Christ!” he yells, cupping his bloodied nose with his hands.
I take a final drag of my cigarettes, shaking my hand out to loosen it from the strain of the impact. He's got a pretty strong nose for such a lanky prick. Wasn't expecting it to hurt that much. Ah well. Throwing the half-smoked stick on the floor, I unlock Daisy and start to climb back inside.
“What the fuck just happened?!” I hear one of the other men say. Oh no, no, no. This isn't happening.
“She broke my nose! She broke my fucking nose!”
“Hey, where you going? Get back out here!”
I slam the door shut, feeling the blood pulsing through my veins at an alarming pace. Three men against one woman. Not on. Not on at all.
I feel Daisy rumble as I turn the key. The sounds of their angry voices is drowned out by her purring. I need to get out of here. I shove her into gear, foot slamming down on the accelerator. And I'm gone. Back on the road a whole four hours earlier than I planned.
All I wanted was a fucking decent night's sleep...
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A/N - Hey guys! I just want to start by saying I'm struggling with ending The End Where I Begin. It WILL be finished though. I just needed something fresh to work on. So that I could give you all an ending you deserve. So that's why I'm working on this for a bit. And yeah. I'm a little worried about this. Considering that I've got a fair bit to live up to. But yeah. First chapter. Do you like it? I sure hope so. Let me know! Vote, comment, do your thing. Much love guys x
