My legs hurt so much. The sticks are digging into my heels as I run. I'm sure they're going to be bleeding when I look at them. I don't know what to do when I cut myself. I've never really had to sort it out before.
My chest hurts too. I haven't ran in so long that I think my chest has forgotten how it feels. When I breathe, it feels like there's a fire in me that I can't put out. I want it to go out. Maybe then I would run faster. Maybe then we would get away.
I'm scared. This place is scary. The trees look like monsters as I fly through them. Leaning into me, scratching my face with their nasty claws to try and stop me. They don't want me to go. They don't want me to leave. They want me to live here forever.
I don't like the sound of the dogs. I've never liked them. They're loud and smelly and really mean. They bite me. I don't like it when they bite me. And if they catch us, then they'll never let go.
I can feel Kappa's hand in mine. His fingers push on mine as he squeezes to keep me from letting go. He knows what I'm like. He knows that if any of us are going to let go, then it will be me.
I see the log. I have to jump over it. I have to jump over it. I have to jump over...
I miss it. My foot catches. I stumble. I let go of his hand. I fall. I fall. I fall...
“Echo, no!”
“Kappa!”
I gasp myself awake, bolting upright in my bed. I can't breathe. I can't fucking breathe...
I huddle into myself, completely terrified of the visions in my head. Her scream is so loud in my ears. It's like she's here in the room with me. It's hurting my head, deafening me.
I cover my ears, trying to block her out. But she's in my head. She's in my head, and she's never going to go. She will always scream. I will always hear her scream.
I feel the sobs shake my body as the panic truly sets in. I'm a freak. Out of my fucking mind. I'm never going to be normal. I'm never going to get better. I'm always going to be Alex, broken and fucked up. An outcast to society. Subject to the torments at night that remind her that she is, in fact, human.
I hate this. I fucking hate it.
I climb out of the bed, determined to calm myself with a cigarette. I haven't had one in a couple of days. Maybe it will stop the screaming. Stop the tears. Stop the pain.
But what if I just keep going? Don't just stop at the front door. Keep on walking, get on a train and go far away. Will that help? Will that make me normal? Waking up in a new place, night after night. Maybe that will make this all go away...
I need to try it. I need to try anything. Anything to stop the screaming. Please, I beg of you. Stop screaming, little Echo...
I step out into the cool hallway, feeling the floorboards under my feet. Even though I'm a state right now, I still manage to find it strange that they're warm in comparison to the air. Or maybe it's just my feet that are cold. I don't really know. I don't really care. I just want to go.
I sneak through the flat, trying not to wake anyone up as I go. I can't face them. I can't let them see what I failure I am. They don't understand. I'm too messed up to be here. If they knew what really goes on in my head, they'd turn me away anyway. So it's best this way. No goodbyes. No anything. Just gone.
I step into the living room and I freeze. Mark's there. Feet up on one side of the sofa whilst he lounges, watching a random film on the television. I see the colours dancing on his face, highlighting all the best parts of him. All the parts that make him my best friend.
