My popular secret

Chapter 6- Blacked out

I start to freak out because the last thing I remember was being at that party!

Did my friends call an ambulance?
Did I make it home on time before I came in to hosptial?

Do they know about my cancer?

I could have just revealed my secret without knowing about it.

"But How did all this happen!" I shout to the nurses.
"Well, I'll let your mum come in and talk to you."
My mum comes through the door, looking all sad and depressed.
I almost forgot that I stormed out the house without her permission last night.

"Oh my baby, I'm so glad you're okay."
"Mum please just tell me what's going on." I say to her as she tries and hugs me.
"Well, I came to the house you were having the party at.."
"You what?"
"I was just worried about you, and I wanted to come check and see if you were alright..."
"But what?"
"And it's a good thing I did, I found you half way down the street, face flat on the pavement."
"Oh."
"You were passed out, and I just had to call an ambulance."
"So none of my friends saw it?"
"No."
"Oh thank god!" I sigh in relief.
"But Bella, you need to set your priorities straight. All you're worried about right now is your friends and popularity. What about the fact that you're actually in hosptial in the first place!" My mum says angrily, but also very upset at the same time.
"I'm sorry mum, but you know it is important to me. But yes, I am kind of wondering why I'm here."
The more I talk, the sicker I feel, and I suddenly start coughing a lot.
"Alright Bella that's enough talking for now. You need some rest." Says one of my nurses.

I lay back down into my pillow, and just take some time to breath and calm myself down.

Before I can ask any more questions, my oncologist, Dr.Adams, comes in.
He walks in quite slowly, with some paper in his hands, and with a disappointed look on his face.
This means he must know about my drinking.

"Bella, well, first of all, how are we feeling?"
He says.
"Not great, if I'm honest, but I'm guessing that's why I'm here."
He huffs a bit, and lets out a big sigh. "Oh Bella, we've talked about this drinking problem before-"
"I DONT have a drinking problem!" As I shout I start to cough again.
"I'm sorry, but you do need to get your priorities straight Bella. You know your body, you know how sick it really is, and you need to look after it."
"I've spent years doing that, and has it ever worked? NO! So don't tell me how to live my life. Just tell me what's wrong with me, so then I can go home." I say, and a few tears stream from my eyes, as I suddenly realise how much pain I'm in.
No one speaks for a while. There's just an awkward silence. Until my mum finally speaks up." Look... darling, I know your frustrated, and I completely understand why. You've gone through more than anyone I know, but you can't just throw your life away like this."
I don't reply.
For two reasons:
1) I'm too angry
2) I feel like throwing up.

"Bella, now I know you're not in the mood to listen to me right now. But I also know you just want to know what's going on. And I'm afraid... it's not the best of news."
"It never is! " I immediately reply, preparing myself for some more bad news. But it's nothing exactly unusual.
"Oh what's wrong with her Doctor, please, I just... I just can't deal with anymore bad news."
I look over to mum, and see her eyes filling up with fresh tears. I don't really think about how it affects others, that often. My mum has done so much for me. And I guess I don't appreciate what she does often enough.
I quickly sit up, and lean in for a much needed hug.
She's shocked! But slowly gives in and falls straight in to my arms. I let out a little tear too, "I'm sorry mum. " is all I say, in hope for her to forgive me a little.
"Oh it's alright darling, " she replied immediately. "I love you okay, and whatever I'm doing for you, is just because I'm worried about you."

We remain snuggled within each others arms for a bit longer, until I suddenly realise I still don't know what's wrong with me yet.
"Okay Bella, so, part of it... is an overdose. "
" a what now?" I say surprised!
"Yes, one of your drinks must have been spiked with something,"
"Seriously?"
"Yes, Bella these things aren't uncommon for people who go to parties as often as you do. And for someone who is already in a bad physical state, the problems are 10 times worse. You're going to need to stay in for atleast a couple of days."
"What!"
"You're not well Bella, trust me okay. I'm just doing what's best for you."
I see the look in my mums eyes and all the nurses around me. It's like they're waiting for me to bolt out the door again. For once, I feel like I should probably listen to him. He is right, I do not feel well. I don't think I've felt quite this sick in a long time.
I lie back again, and just have to really think about my breathing. "Bella, are you alright?" My mum says sounding concerned.
"I'm... I'm fine." I say sounding really out of breath.
"Bella, ... Bella." Says Dr. Adams.
Things become a bit blurry, but I can roughly see Dr. Adams lean in closer to me, and the nurses do to.
"Her heart rates increasing." One of the doctors says.
"Can we get her some oxygen please!" Dr. Adams shouts.
A nasal cannula is quickly put in my nose to help me breath. I feel the whiff of air, go into my suckish lungs, and my heart rate starts to drop a little.
"You're okay Bella alright!" My mum says, then starts crying.
A lot of things happen at once, I'm attached to more leads and tubes, and two new bags of liquid are collected and hung above my bed.

I kind of expect to go unconscious at any point in time now... but I remain awake. Watching the events unfold in front of me.
Things are still blurry, but I start to feel a bit better.
"Okay, heart rates decreasing."
I watch my mum leave the room in tears, I try to lean up and quietly say "mum... I'm okay."
"You need to lie back down Bella, we just need to get you sorted alright."

I obey the doctors, as I don't feel like I have much choice right now.
I just close my eyes... and...

---

"I'm so sorry Tammi... so sorry."
I gradually open my eyes, and see my oncologist and my mum hugging. Not the most common sight.
I suddenly remember I'm still in hosptial. I must have fallen asleep.
The fact they're hugging, probably isn't a good sign.

Oh, and Tammi is my mums name by the way.
And my dads name is John.
Just thought I'd let you know.

"What's happening?" I say quietly as I try and adjust myself back into the real world.
I feel around my face, and notice I still have the oxygen tube in my nose. This normally means, that I really am not well.
"Oh no everything's fine darling. You can just go back to sleep if you'd like."
"Mum... please... if something's going on, I deserve to know."
Theres a small pause, and some nervous faces surrounding me.
"Bella, when you were asleep, we gave you an MRI scan. And I'm afraid to say, that we've discovered something, that may have caused you to faint, other than just the overdose..." he takes a pause "the cancer has spread to your liver. And quite quickly as well. There's a tumour growing fast. And we need to act upon it now."
"...oh" is all I can say.
I'm used to hearing the words 'your cancer has spread' or 'I'm sorry Bella, it's not good news'.

"It's alright Bella, it's just another bump in the road we've got to get through." Says my mum as she leans in and gives me another hug. But I remain lying down. I'm still in a lot of pain, and atleast now I have a reason for the new and intense pain and sickness.

"So... so what happens now then?" I ask.
"Well... you're going to require surgery-"
"Surgery?"
"Yes, luckily we think that we will be able to remove it. But until then, you're probably going to have to remain bed-ridden for a few weeks. And we'll possibly keep you on the IV at home, so you can recieve medicines."
"So you're saying, my port is going to remain accessed. And I'm going to need to be stuck in a bed, attached to a pole at home?"
"Yes."
"No... no that's not happening."
"Please Bella, just... just listen to him, please, we're all going to be here for you. And we will get through it." Grovels my mum.
"I... I... um."
"It's alright, you get some more rest, and I'll come back and tell you what's going on, as soon as we have made some more decisions okay?"
"Yeah... okay..."

My oncologist leaves the room.

My mum and I,
are left,
sat there,
in our own pool of tears.
As we face reality, that the chemo isn't working, and things are just getting worse...