My popular secret

Chapter 23- Visitors

I remained on life-support for another 4 days, but in that time everything else went quite smoothly. I didn't have any more complications, and I started to become more and more awake every day. I've now been off the ventilator for two days, and the chest drains have been removed so I feel a lot more comfortable. However I have been unable to eat anything so the feeding tube is still in, and breathing isn't as easy as I would like it to be, so I always have a nasal cannula in, and st night I sleep with a large oxygen mask that gets strapped around my head. It's not the most attractive thing, but right now I don't really have a choice because my body sometimes
Forgets to breath when I fall asleep.
Which isn't good of course. I've had lots of visitors I've lost count of them all, mainly family, but Caleb has been coming twice a day since the day I got so sick. He's been helping me do things like sit up in bed, put on movies I fancy watching, and has even helped me have a bath. Which was slightly awkward, but I was too out of it at the time to even care. And he was so gentle and sweet about it. He also had to come in for some chemotherapy yesterday, but during his treatment he brought the pole with him into my room. We didn't do much, I mainly just slept, but atleast I knew he was with me.

Today I have two more visitors, two I'm quite nervous about as they've never seen me in this state before. Ella and Shannon.
Caleb let them know what was going on after they hadn't heard from me for a few days, they were of course very worried but weren't allowed to visit until I was feeling better and out of the ICU. I still feel pretty crappy, and I haven't been able to get out of bed and have a walk yet since it all happened, but I can talk for longer periods of time without feeling nauseous now. Which is good, I guess.

My mum and Christy help me look a bit more presentable, I'd prefer to not look like complete death in front of my two best friends, it will just scare them off.
I wear a wooly hat, and get dressed into something that isn't a hosptial gown or pyjamas, then they lean the bed up so I can sit up ready to greet them.
"They're waiting outside, do you want me to let them in?" Asks Christy.
"Yeah let's just get this over with."

Christy opens the door and has a quick chat with them outside, probably letting them know how awful I look so they're not shocked when they walk in. But it obviously didn't work as when the door fully opens and they take a few steps inside, their jaws practically drop to the floor. "Bella?" Says Ella as if she is uncertain it's even me.
"Hi guys. Come on don't be shy, it's still me."
They both walk a bit closer but it takes a few more moments before they both give me a hug one at a time. It was a very cautious, uncomfortable hug, not the Ella and Shannon squeeze I'm used to.
"So, so how are you?" Asks Ella, Shannon still unable to say anything.
"I've been better. But I'm improving slowly."
"Well er ... well you look great." That couldn't have sounded any less convincing. But it's fine, I understand they're just trying to cheer me up.
"Thanks Ella. But I'm aware of how crap I look. Take a seat, mum can you get them some chairs?"
"Of course darling." She gets them two chairs and sits them next to the right side of my bed. My mum and Christy then leave to give us some privacy.
"Come on guys you don't have to be all awkward, I might look like this, but I'm still Bella, still me."
"I - I er -" Shannon attempts to say something "I'm so sorry Bella."
"What for Shannon?"
"For this. I just had no idea you have been so sick for so long. I'm still angry about that by the way, but maybe it's best I didn't know if this is the truth of what your life looks like."
"I'm sorry Shannon, I shouldn't have kept such a big secret from you. You're one of my bestest friends, and I should have trusted you. I haven't been this sick in a long time though. I have been okay up until these last few months."
"So - so what's changed?" Asked Ella. "Has the cancer got worse?"
I take a big sigh, as I've never openly spoke about this with anyone since I got told the news about my brain tumours. I guess it will be good to get it out of my system.
"I'm afraid it has. The cancer has spread to my brain, and the chemotherapy hasn't been working on any of my other tumours either. I've had some radiation, which worked for a while, but the tumours in my lungs have grown back."
"So - er - what is the next step then? What other treatments are there?" Ella asks.
"We're still figuring that bit out st the moment."
"But you're going to get better aren't you? It's not like you're going to die?" Says Shannon as if it was a rediculous thought.
"I um - I don't know if I'm being honest. But I'm sure whatever happens, I'll be okay."
"No Bella you can't say that." Says Ella.
"Ella please I -"
"No! You can't die you just can't!"
"Come here guys." I sit up from my bed and lean over the side to give them both another hug. A proper one this time. As they sob in to my shoulder I whisper to them "it's going to be okay, I'm happy and that's all you guys need to worry about."
"You're happy?" Shannon asks confused.
"I am Shannon. I'm accepting my fete now, like I should have done a long time ago."