Hello, Mr. Sanity | Chanbaek

Chapter 9

I let out a soft sigh. I just don't know what to do. Everything I do, my mind is clouded and blocked from doing anything else. He stalks into my thought process, and I don't know how to get him out. He's just always right there. He doesn't leave. He planted himself there. I wonder if that was his plan from the beginning.

Byun Baekhyun.

He won't leave my head. I find myself thinking about him every time he's away. Why does he have to haunt my mind like this? When did he even plant his trap down onto me? When did this happen at all? When? Did Sehun make me fall for him? Did Sehun convince him to act like a doctor for I would feel something for once in my life? Was it Sehun at all? Or did Baekhyun plan the whole things? Is he even a doctor? Maybe he's a love doctor.

It almost seems like it.

I let out another huff of air as I stared up at my ceiling. Damn, I really must feel something if I keep thinking about him.

I can't help it if his beautiful form keeps going through my mind. I can't help it that his beautiful ass is picturing through my mind. I can't help it that he's just so perfect. I can't help it at all. I mean, he probably already has someone he's dating. Someone attractive and successful, they're definitely taken. There's no question to it.

Isn't there a thing where people seem more attractive when they're taken? If that's true then I just look like absolute crap. I looked like crap before but as I've stayed in this place for longer than I hoped, it's kind of made me look disgusting. I bet no one could look at me now. I only have a face that a mother could love.

I shook my head.

Maybe I do have a chance with Baekhyun. Maybe he thinks about me just as much as I think about him. Maybe he lays in bed at night with a smile to his face, his thoughts running to me. Maybe I seem attractive to him as well. Maybe I don't seem disgusting. Maybe Baekhyun can see past the monster that's inside. Maybe that's why Baekhyun has stayed. Maybe he stayed because he wants to stay with me and he's waiting for me to get out.

Maybe..

There's a lot of maybes out there. A lot. But most maybes don't even come true. I shouldn't put my hopes up, or even have hopes. Usually once you set your mind to things as hope, then you're shot down. It's as if the world hates you. It's as if everything in existence hates you for even breathing. I think everyone's hated me since I've been born though, as nothing really went my way. Maybe it was because of my hope. I always had it.

Maybe this time I'll actually get what I want. And without hope..

Byun Baekhyun..

What are you doing to me..?