Full Hearted and Heartbroken

Chapter Twenty-two

22

I open the hut’s red door and enter the living room, where I see Mrs. Murk rocking Luke.  Mrs. Murk’s soft, musical voice travels to my ears as she sings a lullaby to my baby son.  He will never know his mother if I leave now, and he will never know his father if Lucas never comes back.  Luke will never know his mother or father if I go after Lucas and if we both die in Lloyd’s hands.

Mrs. Murk looks up from Luke and smiles at me.  She motions for me to sit down in the other rocking chair, and so I do.  I never noticed the sparkle of youngness in Mrs. Murk’s eyes until now.  I look down at my hands as they play with a string on my dress.  I did not expect Mrs. Murk to say anything until she did.

“I used to have a child,” I snap my head up to look at her as she let’s Luke play with her fingers, “and a husband.  His name was Thomas.  He was the most stunning man I had ever seen.  We got married a month after we met.  His master married us.  A year later Thomas and I had a baby girl named Cinnamon.  She had the most beautiful brown eyes on a little baby girl.”

“What happened to them?” I pry.

Mrs. Murk looks up from Luke and smiles at me.  I can see the sadness in her eyes and face, yet she still manages to smile.

“They were taken,” Mrs. Murk chokes down her tears.  “They were sold to a very wealthy couple that lived miles away from where I was.  I prayed and pleaded, and begged Lucas’ daddy not to sell them, but because I loved them so he got rid of them.  I never saw them again.”

I feel bad for her, so I get up and walk over to Mrs. Murk.  When I get over to her, I can see tiny wet droplets fall out of her eyes.  I sit down at her feet and cry with her.  I kind of know how she feels, having Lucas just leave like he did, and I will probably never see him again.  I really want to go after him, but did I want to leave Luke without a family?

“What should I do?” I marvel out loud.

“Well,” Mrs. Murk reacts to my wondering, wiping her tears away, “if I was you, which I’m not, but if I were, I would go after him.  But would I want to leave a little baby without a family, is the question.”  

I think about it, staring into the fire as if the answer was there.  Lucas is my life, but Luke is also.  Which life do I want more?  Do I want to be a mother, or do I want to be a lover?  A mother seems like a lot of work, but being loved by a man seems peaceful and enjoyable.  But I also want to live, but living with Lucas, (weather in the sky or on the earth), would be more awesome, in my mind. 

“Which path should I take?  I want to be a mother, but I also want Lucas.”

Mrs. Murk puts Luke over her shoulder to burp him as she thinks of how she is going to answer my question. 

“Well, if it were me, I would go after Lucas.  But that’s just being a selfish woman and not thinking of the children,” Mrs. Murk advises, looking at Lucas and cooing at him.

“Do…do you want another child?” I offer.

Mrs. Murk looks at me, puzzled.  I just offered her my son.  I really want to go after Lucas, and knowing that we both will die on the journey, I am going to leave Luke with a woman I can trust.  Mrs. Murk opens her mouth, but then closes it, not know what to say.

“Do you want Luke as your son?” I question, looking into Mrs. Murk’s eyes.  “I am only seventeen.  I do not have any motherly experience or living experience.  You can raise him to be like his father: kind, generous, loving, a joke box.  I think I have decided where to go, but the question is, will you be a loving mother to the son I worked so hard to keep?”

Mrs. Murk stares at me, then looks at Luke with a bright smile on her face.  I see something glistening on her cheek from the light in the room; a shining tear slips down her old cheek and falls onto her lap.  Another one follows in its place, making Mrs. Murk’s face a slip-n-slide for her tears.  I can tell that she already feels like a mother to Luke, after taking him from his bawling mother.

     “I…I would…I would be pleased to raise a son from such an extraordinary and brave woman, such as yourself,” Mrs. Murk sincerely sniffles as she lightly kisses one of Luke’s chubby cheeks.  Mrs. Murk then turns to me and inquires, “But are you ready to give up such a gift?  Are you ready to give up the gift of a child?”

I was ready.  Ready to take my own life in my own hands.  I was ready to take over my path and go the direction I wanted.  But Mrs. Murk made a point; was I ready to give up the most wonderful gift the Lord had given me?  I didn’t know how to raise Luke, and she did.  I didn’t know how to be a mother, and she did.  I didn’t know how to love such a rambunctious and annoying child, and she did.  Yes, I think I am ready.

I get to my feet.  “I’m ready,” I state. 

I hold out my arms for my soon-to-be lost son, and Mrs. Murk places him in them.  I hold Luke close to my chest, tucking my nose in his shoulder blade.  I tightly close my eyes, keeping the tears from spilling.  I quietly sob away Luke, knowing that I will never see him again, and thinking to myself that he will be washed away from my mind. 

“I love you, Luke, my son.  I always will,” I whisper into one of Luke’s tiny baby ears.  I know he has no idea what is going on, but I just want that thought to be in his mind when he grows up.

I place Luke back into Mrs. Murk’s arms.  “Tell him about me and Lucas someday, would you?” I request Mrs. Murk.

“That thought never slipped my mind, my deary.  Good luck,” Mrs. Murk offers with a straight face. 

I nod my head and walk towards the door.  I grab the door knob, very slowing turning it until the door comes open.  I look out into the yard and take one step out of the door, but then Mrs. Murk’s voice stops me. 

“And never forget, you are always loved,” Mrs. Murk reminds me, and then I close the door behind me.

The day is getting old and darkness grows around me as I run down the bumpy, muddy road back to the city.  Lucas is probably already in handcuffs and in a jail cell because of me.  I am the reason he turned himself in for nothing.  He did nothing to deserve to be hated by Lloyd and Aaron.  Those people don’t even trust him to drive their taxis.

I bump into tree arms and sleeping tree feet as I run.  My face is scratched from the claws on the tree branches, but I don’t care.  All I am focused on is getting to Lucas in time.  My mind whizzes and swirls in my head, but I just focus on moving my feet to get to the city.  I do not notice a tree trunk in the path as I get to it and fall onto my hands and knees, tearing a hole in my dress.  I get mud on my hands as they catch me.  This dress is the night dress Lloyd gave to me when we got married.  It means nothing to me now.

I climb back to my feet as I see lanterns coming my way.  I hear voices, but one voice I recognize right away; the voice belongs to Aaron.  Aaron Louis, that horrible father of mine.  But what he is yelling surprises me as I run off the path and into the shadow of trees.

“You there, find my daughter!  We need to find her before tomorrow, or else I am coming out here to look for her myself!  I already lost my wife once, I am not losing her again!” Aaron howls to the other scurrying men.

I get chilled to the bone as I hear the men get closer and closer.  Along with the voices I see the men become bigger and nearer to where I am standing.  They stop in front of the tree I am standing behind and just stand there.  My breathing stops as I wait for them to do something.  Some of me wants them to just say they found me so I don’t have to worry anymore, but I stay where I am.  I see Aaron’s big, muscular back with his hands on his waist.  He is dressed as a workman, like always.  Does he really care about me, or is he just pretending? 

The men start to move again, and when I can hear them no more I move on.  Wait, they are heading towards Mrs. Murk’s hut where Luke is!  Now what can I do?!  I get back onto the path, debating if I should go to Lucas or to Luke.  I tell myself that Luke doesn’t exist anymore and that he was just a dream.  But now that he is brought back to reality…..  I start walking towards the city, but I am still facing where Aaron and is men were standing as I trip over a tree root and land on my butt.  I make a little squeak as I land, and, unfortunately, it was loud enough for Aaron to hear me.  I am in a checkmate position, me being the beaten king.