Full Hearted and Heartbroken

Chapter Twenty-four

24

There are so many people to see me die.  So many people who are probably happy to see Lucas and I go.  Lucas and I had a major discussion last night in our jail cell about why I came after him.  I told him that I couldn’t let him die alone.  I told him that he was the one I wanted to be with and that living without him would be impossible.  When he asked where Luke was, I just told him he was safe and out of Lloyd’s reach.  Lucas finally got over being mad at me, and now we are facing our deaths together.

My heart races as Lucas and I step up onto a wooden deck with ropes hanging from a wooden plank.  This is it.  This is my last time in this world.  I will never see the site of this city again.  I will never see my family again until they die.  I close my eyes and then open them to get a different perspective, but the perspective is the same.

“Looks like you will see your mother again,” Lucas says out of nowhere.

I turn my head to look at him.  He is so strong, so kind.  He is too precious to waste, but I cannot do anything now.  I look back out into the crowd of people.  It is hard to believe that this many people are glad to see us go.  I can pick out a couple of crying faces, but most are plain.  I take a shallow breathe.

“It depends on where I go,” I answer Lucas, not looking at him but looking into the crowd of people.

A fat man dressed in black leads me forward and wraps the rope around my neck.  Out of the corner of my eyes I can see that he does the same with Lucas.  I shut my eyes tight, keeping the fearful tears from escaping.  So this is the feeling you have before you die?  This is what I lived for?  I lived to just die when I was just a young adult?  So many questions flash through my mind as the man walks over to a lever.  I quickly look at Lucas.

“I love you, and I always will,” I tell him, and he tells me the same.

I take a quick look through the crowd of people and find Noah sitting on Aaron’s shoulders.  They are both crying.  I stare at them until the floor beneath me drops, and then I am frozen.

Why did life have to be so hard?  Why did life have to be so disastrous?  Why was life a death game when everyone could live their own way?  Death is nothing like life.  It is amity and happy.  Death is simple and fast.  Dying is even quicker than falling asleep. 

I run through flowers with Lucas on my heals.  Seeing my mother’s smiling face again brings joy to my heart.  I jump into her arms and cry happy tears into her neck.  She wraps her arms around me and cries with me.  At least I get to see my mother again.  Lucas and I spend what seems like forever with my mother; telling jokes, drinking tea, and telling stories.  I even tell her about Lloyd and him accusing me of killing her; she just laughed.  Finally Lucas and I leave, promising each other that we will visit my mother often.

Lucas and I now lay in a meadow full of lilies.  We laugh and make jokes together.  Lucas holds me as I lay on top of him, the sun beating down on us.  We are happy now, even if some people may be crying.  We live together, laugh with each other, and love each other.  We visit my mother often, and we even visit the Almighty and the angels.  What could possibly be better than death?

Death is so much easier than life.  But why does nobody choose it?  Does everyone want to choose between full hearted and heartbroken?  Why does everyone want to live a game of chess when they can live in the light, like Lucas and I chose? 

The End