Just Like Now

Beginning of the End

Her lids lowered and she stared at the ground. A sad smile pulled her lips up.

"I don't know why I always cared so much," Namjoo started. "My heart is always doing what I don't want it to. When we went to Incheon, the guys knew everything, didn't they? I know it was planned and I didn't say anything, even when it made me feel like dirt." Tears slid down her face. "And I lied just to have you. It would be ok, I told myself. It would be ok." She shook her head as she sobbed. "It wasn't ok. I took you from her. I was wrong and made everything a lie. Maybe it wasn't love. Maybe it was an unhealthy obsession. Everything's just meaningless now. What happened to me? What did I do? I ruined you."

Namjoo rubbed her face than ran her hand up her hair. "We're so pathetic." Tossing her head back she drained the rest of her glass. "Oh, I'm so tired now. I have a headache." Glancing at him, "I want a glass of water."

Whether he was witnessing her in the process of finally going crazy or not, he didn't know where to begin with what he wanted to say. He just knew that he loved her to the last drop of his blood, and didn't want her to hurt anymore.

"All right," he promised, "I'll get you some water."

Standing up he went into the kitchen to pour her a glass of water. When he returned Namjoo had disappeared. The front door was well closed, so that meant she hadn't walked out. Hurrying up the stairs he looked for her in their bedroom. Maybe she had crawled into bed. She wasn't there. He checked the nursery. Namjoo wasn't there either. His last option was the guest room they never got started on. The door was closed and locked. It was never locked.

Jiggling the doorknob, he called out, "Namjoo! Open the door! Namjoo!"

She never replied. Never came to the door.

Knocking profusely, he leaned against it in hopes of hearing her inside. It was silent. He couldn't even hear her crying. What if she had done something to herself? Worry overwhelmed him with all worse scenarios.

Pounding on the door, "Open the door dammit! Namjoo!"

Heaving a sigh of frustration, he tried the knob again, hoping to break it somehow. It was sturdy. Sliding to the ground he pulled out his phone and pulled out a list of how to pick a lock. He couldn't believe he was doing something so ridiculous, but he now realized desperation really did drive one to the edge. It took him nearly half an hour to figure out what kind of door lock the door had before figuring out how to pick it open. Rushing to and fro he grabbed some of Namjoo's hair clips and began working on the task at hand. He failed nearly five times before the door propped open. Letting out a yelp of victory he got up from the ground.

Calm washed over him and next to that was relief but plundering grief with love for her. On the ground Namjoo lay asleep looking lonely and abandoned. It must have taken a lot for her to finally speak to him the way she had earlier. Had it drained so much of her energy just to sit with him?

He quietly kneeled down beside her unsure whether to touch her. It pained him so much to see her like this.

"Namjoo," he called in hopes of waking her, "why are you here? Go sleep in bed."

She didn't stir. He hesitantly reached out to touch her shoulder. Namjoo never budged. In the end, he lifted her up and carried her down the hall to the bedroom where he lay her down. She settled into her spot with ease and let out a sigh. Whatever she was dreaming he hoped it was a pleasant one.

Moving around as quietly as possible he searched for her makeup remover cloths. Once found he began to gently remove her makeup pausing whenever she moved. After finished he looked for her pajamas. She would be uncomfortable sleeping in her work clothes. He wanted her to sleep well. Namjoo was deadweight while he removed her clothes and pulled her pajamas on. It took him a total hour and a half to complete everything before knocking out beside her. When he woke up the next morning Namjoo was gone from his bedside.