Just Like Now

The Second Time

Their faces turned pale and worry struck him when the carefree joy drove itself from her eyes. He had gone too far. What was he thinking?!

"Oh...good night," Namjoo awkwardly said before turning to head into her room.

Sehun watched with a yearning heart as the door closed and wished he could turn back time. Maybe it was the wine that had done him good. Why had he let those words slip?

Swiveling around he walked into the bedroom closing the door after him. Whining and complaining he jumped around flustered before landing on the bed face down. He was such an idiot.

§§§§§

"We can sit and talk like normal now. On evenings, we watch TV and laugh together. Sometimes I think he feels bad that he doesn't have a job anymore, but he doesn't talk about it. I tell him to just relax since the semester will resume soon. I think he listens."

"How does that make you feel?" her therapist asked.

"Well, good, I guess. I'm just happy he's not stressed or pressured," Namjoo admitted. "Like when I was pregnant, I felt like I made him work a lot. Thinking of our future...all that, and that he would have to support us. He doesn't have to worry about that now."

"You don't have to feel guilty about it."

"I know," Namjoo nodded. "I know we're ok now, but it kind of feels like we're there – being regular friends – but we're still so far from it."

"You said you two talk like normal now?"

She nodded again. "At times there also feels like there's a void that exists. Like times when he lets things slip."

"What kind of things?" Jakyung wondered.

"Like...when he says I love you."

The therapist gently smiled, "And how do you feel about that?"

Namjoo countered with, "Do friends love each other?"

"A husband and a wife can be best friends, I don't see why not."

"It's weird, considering we cried once together as babies," Namjoo reminisced. "And then we shared toys at one point. Fought over toys, food, and forks. We were always just like that, knowing each other like we'd be friends forever. Never did I see him as my potential. He said the same thing, too."

"You fell in love with him though?"

Rubbing her naked ring finger, "Yea."

"Do you regret it?"

"Is it normal for him to feel like a stranger from time to time, even though I've known him my whole life?"

"My husband used to say that when you think you know someone, you don't really know them at all." Jakyung shared. "But Namjoo, have you realized that you've been avoiding my questions?"

Digging nails into her fingers Namjoo stared down at her lap guiltily.

"Is something else bothering you?"

"We reverted to friends," Namjoo reminded. Lim Jakyung nodded. "We're supposed to friends now."

A moment of silence.

"I read a book that at certain point in our lives, we come to understand things, but I'm still confused," Namjoo shared. "I fought a lot against my feelings until I was hurt enough to forgive all my difficulties. I thought I have my resolve...or at least had it, but why am I so confused?"

"What are you confused about?"

Now nervously flicking her manicured nails against each other, "I'm falling in love for the second time."