Just Like Now

Shot of Disappointment

Four hours after falling asleep Namjoo woke up. Groggy, she turned on the lights and sat on the floor merely staring into space for a few minutes until she gathered the strength to get up. Making way to her closet she pulled out the gifts Sehun had handed her the other day. This time she sat on her bed and went through the bags pulling out the sweater, tennis shoes, and backpack. The second thing she noticed was that Sehun had ripped off the price tags which didn't at all help conceal the fact that these were pricey items.

Running her hand over the gifts she wondered whether Sehun thought about her at all during the summer. Or had he only thought about her when he came back?

Sighing, she fell back onto the bed and turned onto her side. Whatever happened next she would have to be a thousand times more patient now.

I like seeing you happy...

Had Sehun really been uncomfortable because of her? Could she have that much of an impact on him?

§§§§§

"You're up early today," her mother greeted.

"Morning, mom," Namjoo said. "Do you want help with anything?"

"If you could grab the dishes down from the cupboard that'd be great."

Doing as told Namjoo opened the cupboard and grabbed some plates. She turned in time to see Sehun coming down the stairs. For a second she looked away from him to gather her wits then finally turned back to look at him with a tiny smile. Sehun didn't glance at her though.

Once the table was set and they had all sat down Namjoo picked up her utensils then paused. Glancing over at Sehun with hesitance she forced herself to say, "Lets grab some coffee later."

"Oh, ok," he nodded.

It was slightly awkward, but Namjoo was determined not to let it be that way for too long. For years now neither she nor Sehun had gotten into fights. They had learned to compensate, compromise, and consider each other's feelings. Last night was the first time in a while that both of them had raised voices at each other, and it was her fault.

They stepped out of the house after breakfast. As she dug through her bag for the keys Sehun held his hand out, "I'll drive." Namjoo shot him a glance and quietly handed over the keys.

"Where to?" he asked when they were on the road. When she didn't say anything he reminded, "You wanted to come out. It's your pick."

Namjoo peered out the window. She wasn't sure where she wanted to go. She wanted to go to a place Seona would never go with Sehun or rather Sehun had never stepped into with her. Namjoo hated it even more that Seona seemed to be the center of everything every time she was with Sehun. Why did she have to think of that woman so often? It was grossly annoying.

"Can we...walk around?" Namjoo turned to look at him.

Anxiety walloped through her when he turned to glance at her. Veering into a parking lot near the river they grabbed some drinks from the vending machine. Discovering an empty bench by the jogging trail they sat down, watched passersby come and go, and sipped on their chosen drinks while they consumed time.

"It feels like a lot of things have changed," Namjoo started, "a few summers went by, you're near graduation, and I'm just beginning college. I feel like we were a lot closer in high school before studying became everything to you."

"What are you talking about?" Sehun asked. "We're still friends."

Incapable of withholding a bitter smile Namjoo strayed her gaze to the concrete. Ants were crawling into the home they'd created in the crack of the sidewalk. These things, small and weightless, were so strong and capable against this big world of odd things that could crush the living daylights out of them in point-one-seconds. Namjoo wanted to be strong, but all she felt was small and weak against these huge feelings devouring her from within.