Songbird (Tradley AU)

Epilouge (Brad's POV)

"This song was written for someone who meant a lot to me when I was younger, someone who taught me a lot about how life can fuck you over when you think it's getting better. And how everything good about this world tends to break you, use you, leave you and die" I said down the microphone, a harsh tone to my voice as I spoke about Tristan for the first time in years "however, I loved them, and they made me happy sometimes, so I wrote a song about missing them. I never play this song live and I'm only doing so because the person it's about died three years ago today, and this tour has been really hard for me because this day has been looming over my shoulder like a dark cloud, so this ones dedicated to Tristan's family, his fiancé he loved too much, and the life he left behind after me." I sighed as I sat down on the edge of the stage, acoustic guitar in hand, trying to ignore the crowd of thousands of people to my right as I began playing the intro.

"All the times that it slipped my mind to mention
That you're the one I need and if I forgot to tell you
I was wrong to ever doubt it and you're all I think about, yeah
There's a million words I should've said
I remember you were standing in my doorway
And the words were on my lips, that you never looked so beautiful
Oh just to be near you, don't you know how good that feels?
These are all the things I should've said" I sung down the microphone, my voice shaking as I did so. I was choking up, Fucking up and getting it wrong.

I can't stay here, I can't sing this.

"I'm sorry." I whispered to the crowd before stopping playing it and getting up, heading backstage and out of the venue, ignoring my manager yelling at me as I opened the back door and lit up a cigarette, pressing the stick to my lips and taking a drag as I sat down against the wall,instantly feeling calmed by the taste of the tobacco.

"Bradley William Simpson." Joe, my manager half yelled, standing over me as he followed me out the door a few minutes later "Get back in there and finish your fucking set."

"Um, no." I refused, shaking my head, stubbing out the finished smoke and lighting another from the box in my pocket "Don't really feel like it, you know?"

"I don't give two shits whether you want to or not, the fans in there paid to see you sing your songs and tell them you love them, go." Joe argued

"I said no, and I'm not moving, mmkay?" I smiled sarcastically, taking a drag and blowing the smoke up into my managers face, a habit I knew pissed him off.

"You're a dickhead you know that? An absolute cunt. I don't know who the fuck hurt you or who the fuck you think you are, but you need to sort it out mate if you ever want to get somewhere." He sighed, shaking his head

"Maybe, just maybe, I don't want to get anywhere and, shock horror, I want to be dead." I rolled my eyes

"We're not going there." Joe sighed, looking down at me "Brad, I know you seem to think life sucks, but suicide isn't an option when you're in your position, you'd hurt so many kids, to the point where they wanna die too? And do you really want to be responsible for causing that pain to so many peoples families?"

"Not really." I sighed, definitely feeling like I needed something stronger than tobacco to calm my mind "you got any weed on you by any chance dude?"

"No I don't have any fucking weed on me." Joe snapped "Even if I did why would I give it to you? You've been nothing but an ass to everyone on this tour, literally every member of the crew fucking hates you."

"Wow, you woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning didn't you?" I answered, getting up from the floor.

"Where are you going?" Joe asked, angrily glaring at me.

"To phone my dealer, where the fuck else would I be going? You've got the van keys." I rolled my eyes, walking round to the other side of the building, phoning Glenn, who regularly supplied me with all sorts to try and get me through a tour.

"Brad, my dude, what can I do you for today?" He answered after the second ring

"Whatever you've got mate." I laughed a little "it's been a rough week."

"I can do you 2.5 for £20? Just cause we're friends, that's cheap you know, very cheap for around here."

"Okay no worries, I'll send you the venues address, you don't think you'll be long do ya?" I asked "only I reckon I've got 45 minutes before we leave and I really need this hit."

"I'll speed if you're not nearby, see ya." Glenn rushed before hanging up on me, I text him the venue and about fifteen minutes I saw him pulling up In front of the venue.

"Here you go dude." He smiled, pulling me into a hug, slipping the bag into my pocket, Glenn was always one of being discreet "you missing him a lot today then?"

"Yeah.' I sighed, running my hand through my hair "Three years today, might go get shit faced and try and forget about him later." I shrugged, passing my friend the £20.

"Awh mate, I wanna come." Glenn whined "you going out or just drinking in your hotel room?"

"Hotel to be honest." I sighed "it's cheaper and I don't have to deal with people."

"Chill, send me the address, you can either have some money towards the drinks or an extra gram." He decided

"Money." I answered "I'm getting payed Jack shit, small venues are great an' all, but you don't get very much out of it."

"Mm, shame." Glenn nodded "you know, there was a time when you enjoyed touring and stuff, now all you do is whine about it."

"I know, but there was also a time when I thought I was over tris fucking jumping off a bridge because of me you know? And I want nothing more than to be at home so I could go and scream about how much it's still hurting me."

"I get it dude." My friend nodded "I get it, it's just a shame your life has followed this path, you had potential to do well now you're an asshole because some boy you loved killed himself and now you e realised he was your 'one'."

"Yeah it sucks." I shrugged "but there's nothing I can do you know? Might as well continue being miserable until I die, no point in doing to other people what he's done to me."

"Very true my friend, very true." Glenn nodded "well, I'm off, have fun getting stoned, I'll give you the money for drink later, see ya."

"Bye." I waved as Glenn headed back to his car, leaving me alone again.

I always ended up alone, missing home, and missing tris.