You, In Detroit

Chapter 5

Dear friend,

 Fran and I have not talked in about 15 days. We still keep a streak on snap chat, and sometimes I feel like he sends me unneeded 'streaks' to get me to talk to him. But I do not answer him usually. He posted a video of him, and his voice just sent chills through my body. I miss my best friend, my brother. But I can not do anything about it because although I miss him, I am not sure I could trust him ever again.

School has been slightly getting better. I have not hated sign language lately because we are just learning a bunch of Christmas songs recently the whole period. I have to learn ten which sucks because I know I'm not going to be able to learn them all but it's okay. I will stand in the back since this is my first year anyways, so nobody will be able to see me mess up.

Math class I really just sit there and do nothing since I already did the work that the teacher assigns. And it's not that I'm in a class with a bunch of stupid people, one sleeps and just doesn't do her work, two are barely even there, and the rest just aren't as smart as me or waits for the teacher to tell them what to do. And I'm not trying to be rude, I just catch onto things quickly. I also forgot to the the homework over the weekend, but I am not going to do it still.

I currently order a writing book off amazon called "642 things to write about." And I currently have only one prompt done, but I'll write it here.

How you feel about love these days

love is just an excuse to get hurt. people use that word to get what they want. love is a lie. people don't love you, they love the shit that you offer. your significant other doesn't love you, they're just happy you fulfill their lust. love is one of the most told lies in the world.

My friend is acting stranger ever since just started hanging out with Jayden. Jessica hasn't been acting like herself, and I love my friend I do. But I do not understand why she has to show her ass on snap chat, and make out with girls just for guys to catcall them. My other friend that is in another state, told me she texted Jessica and told her she needs to stop hoeing around because she is not being herself. She told me Jessica said that she was right and that she has not been acting like herself. Yet she still continues to do the same things over and over again. Jessica's friend that makes her act difference is locked up I think because she got in a fight but I am not sure, and I do not want to be spreading rumors around because I might be wrong and I do not want to give out false information so I just shut my mouth.

Thanksgiving is coming up and I hope my stomach doesn't act up. I really want to stuff my face with food, it'll make me so happy. I love thanksgiving food. Mash potatoes, green beans, corns, peas, turkey/ham, rolls, soup, etc. We always have a bunch of food because we have such a huge family, and everybody in the family usually eats a lot. Two of my friends are coming over too, so that's two extra mouths to feed but it'll be fine. Update: my stomach acted up with all three of the thanksgivings I went to and I am not sure whether I want to cry, or just accept the fact that I suck.

Lila has been pissing me off lately. She told me I would get an allowance if I did some work around the house, but I'm the only one that does work around the house. I take the garbage out, I sweep, my room is clean. I do everything she asks of me. There are currently two holes in my living room wall because I've been so angry at her I threw something at it. But she has not noticed yet because she has not said anything about it to me.

You know what fascinates me? Mental illnesses my friend, and no not because I have some. Well a doctor has told me I had them, I just guessed and they are good guessing since I have the symptoms. Just the fact that our chemicals our so messed up that we act in a different way. I don't know. It's like the school getting your schedule all messed up, which they happen to do every single year. And there is nothing you can do to fix it, because it is out of your league and you just have to deal with it. Like when you order out, you can only get certain things with something unless you wanna by a whole other meal. You can't really do anything to fix it, besides pay more for the extra.

I currently just finished another prompt.

What does writer's block feel like?

writer's block is like being stuck in a small room with white walls, and a white floor. you, yourself are in white clothing, your hair, eyes, etc are all white. you are incapable of  peeing, etc and there is nothing else in the room and there is no way out. and your task is to get color onto the walls and floor.

I feel like I have nothing to write lately. I just want to sleep all the time, and I am not sure if it is just because I am doing so much, or if it is my depression getting the best of me. I have a headache currently, it feels like I have one all the time. But I can not swallow pills so I just deal with it. I hate liquid medicine.

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