You, In Detroit

Chapter 8

Dear friend,

Lila went all out on the Christmas decorating which is annoying because she usually does not and I feel like she only did it because her new boyfriend wanted her to, even though he did not help.

Lila asked if my father, Willy, has called recently and I told her yeah, but I have not told her that I have been ignoring his calls, and that I do not call him back on purpose. He is not a father to me. He is dead to me. And that is all he will ever be.

I am scared my 'fathers' side of the family will try to contact me for Christmas. They did not contact me for thanksgiving, so I think I will not have to worry. I do not want to see my father, or his side of the family. He scares me, and I hate them. They all remind me of him.

I started drinking these weight gainers that use to by my grandmothers. I want to gain weight so badly, and I use to think if I just ate and layed around I would gain weight, which I did not at all. I do not really like chocolate milk, but they only if it in this flavor. I can not order more because I do not want Lila knowing I am trying to gain weight. If Lila knew, she would tell the whole family and it is none of their business. I feel like she would give me a talk about how I should love my body for what it is.

I actually hate school. And I don't say that because I have to go learn and learn. I'm terrified of school. It actually makes me pissed. I wanna scream and throw shit, and sometimes I do, yet I don't know if it's just my anger taking over or if everybody else feels the same. I actually dread going to school, and I would actually rather go to jail then go to some broke ass fucking school filled with wannabes and girls sticking their silicon boobs out to get the attention of the rapists in our school. God I hate my school.

I get to dog sit Monday and Tuesday so that's fun. Lila was not going to let me but I told her I was going to go whether she wanted me to or not. Fuck Lila.

My anger has been really bad these past few days, and I don't understand why. I didn't just decide, oh lets be an asshole for the next for days. I am not sure that is how it works. But I wish I was not so ass holey so more people would actually like me.

Christmas is coming up and I have money to spend on my friends for Christmas but I would rather spend it on something that'll make me forget the whole entire world exists. And I am begging myself to not buy it. That would just be selfish of me because I love my friends, and I would do anything for them.

I really love Melanie Martinez. I love her songs, and the lyrics in them. I consonantly only listen to her these past few days. I wish I would not have told him that, he holds that information in his head like a bomb.

I have decided I am going to dye my hair a pastel pink during Christmas break. I feel like I'll look good with it, and my friends told me it would look good so why not give it a go. I also want to do it because I know it will piss of Lila. Fucking Lila. I am going to do it whether Lila says yes or no. I dyed my hair a turquoise color and she did not say shit because she knew I was going to do it whether she wanted me to or not. I like dying my hair myself. I think it is fun.

I am debating on staying up all night, or actually going to sleep. I hate sleeping because I always only have nightmares, yet I'll be really tired and I will be even more rude. But that is how I am already, so no sleeping it is.

I have some good ideas for books, but I am too lazy to actually type them out. And that is why all of the books I have started writing are not finished, even though it has been like three years. My friend wants to write a book too, and I encouraged him too. I hope he writes it, I really want to read it. I actually hope he does not write them. I hate him, and his stupid ideas for his dumb fucking book. I hope his books gets burns if he ever writes them.

I need new books to read, yet I do not have money to purchase them, and I get too distracted while trying to read online. I suck. Even though I get distracted easily I still read even if it takes me thirty or more minutes to finish just one chapter of a book. I have not done anything, and I just feel so low now a days. I either just want to sleep or read. And if I sleep for more than ten hours I get really bad headaches and I am not able to feel sick because I slept too much. That would just be stupid of me. I do enjoy reading so it is not a burden on me. I really wish I was able to write like some of the books I read, I have read such great literature. I recommend so many books to known readers, who have told me that they do indeed enjoy the books even though they do not like reading. If a book can make a known reader enjoy it, it is an extremely well written book and should get more credit.

What if people that are "crazy" are actually the normal ones?

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